The Life and Times of Felicity Smoak
by 1Strangeness-Charm1
Summary: There is a third kind of person, the kind that learns to love the fire of the crucible, until everything they know is that fire...
1. Prologue: Loved

**I simply love Oliver and Felicity, so I had I just had to put in my own story for them. I'm not quite sure where this story is headed just yet, but I hope to figure it out, mostly out of love for these two characters. Please review, I could use all the help with this story as I try to get back into the writing groove.**

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**I.**

This was the part that she always hated. It wasn't the blood; she'd gotten over her squeamishness for the substance after a couple more times of getting to play doctor. It wasn't even the wound itself, the feel of damaged flesh beneath her fingers as she carefully worked to fix it.

No, what bothered her was the fact that all of this always happened to Oliver, and sometimes - despite knowing all the good they'd managed to do as a team - she wished he didn't do what he did. Because it always made her heart ache to see him hurt.

She chastised him about not being more careful, even though she knew it wasn't fair of her to do so. He gave her that look of his that mirrored his knowledge of the unfairness, but otherwise ignored it. Sometimes she thought he knew, or at least suspected, how much him being hurt upset her. If he did he didn't say anything of it, and that was fine. She preferred it that way.

Felicity watched as Oliver took a half a pill of one of Diggle's "aspirins", just enough to help him sleep and ignore the pain, but not enough that it would impair his ninja like awareness and reflexes. After he swallowed it and some water down, he resumed his previous position on the hard metallic table she used to cure him. Quite frankly Felicity didn't think she could ever sleep comfortably on that unforgiving surface, but then again she supposed Oliver must have endured much worse. With a small sigh she got up from her stool and walked over to her computers, shutting each of them down and caressing them lovingly. They were her babies after all.

There was a small box that she liked to keep underneath the case where Oliver kept his vigilante suit. She quickly walked over and pulled it out, bypassing the loose set of unisex flannel pajamas that she had put in there and taking out the tiny pillow and blanket she had also managed to stuff inside. She didn't like to, but sometimes sleeping in the foundry was unavoidable, and if she was going to do it she might as well make herself as comfortable as possible. Approaching Oliver as silently as she could, she set the pillow down by his head, not wanting to actually move it and place it underneath him. God only knew that kind of reaction attempting to move his head while he slept would solicit from the over aware and always ready to strike man, but she hoped that at some point he might grab it and use it. The blanket she took more liberty with.

It was a deep green - her favorite shade - and was incredibly light, but was still soft and kept her very warm. She draped it over him quickly, making sure it covered him from chest to toes. She took a step back and admired her work, glad that she could do these small things to make him more comfortable.

And like it always did, she felt her heart give a painful little squeeze as she looked at him. To Felicity he truly was beautiful, heartbreakingly so, and it wasn't just because of his gorgeous face or amazing body. It was because of the strength with which he loved and cared about the people in his life. Different kinds of love definitely, but love nonetheless. She reached out, her hand trembling slightly as it approached his face, and gently caressed his cheek with the back of her fingers.

For a moment, just the smallest passing of seconds really, she let herself feel all those things she tried not to. She thought about the butterflies that filled her stomach when he looked at her with that small smile of his she so rarely got to see as she traced the outline of his lips. Thought of the way fire seemed to blaze on her skin whenever he touched her as she gently caressed the stubble on his jaw, and then moved to follow his perfect eyebrows with her fingertips.

Just like that however, she took her hand back, feeling a little embarrassed to have let herself get so carried away. This was dangerous territory, and she knew it. Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Felicity stood up and walked away. She fought down the feelings, like she did every time he so much as glanced in her direction.

Her apartment and bed were waiting for her, and so she grabbed her purse and left as quickly and as quietly as she could, not daring to look back one more time. If she had, she might have seen his eyes as they followed her out, or maybe the slightest curving of his lips as they turned up at just the corners, but then down as a confused frown took its place. Or maybe she might have seen the way he grabbed the small pillow and that smelled like her hair and placed it underneath his head, taking just the smallest of sniffs, before closing his eyes again.

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**Again, please review. My little Toby and I eagerly await some feedback. **

**Toby is my puppy.**


	2. Prologue: Coin

**Onwards!**

**II.**

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He knew.

Of course he did.

Right?

Yeah… she had been silly to think that she could basically molest his face and get away with it. Honestly… who did that? Apparently, one very in trouble yet totally helpless IT girl. How could she be blamed? He was so rottenly good looking and perfectly sculpted – even his scars somehow made him more attractive – and she just couldn't help herself. One tiny stolen moment of intimacy and she was sure she would never be able to live down her embarrassment.

Okay, so maybe he hadn't said anything yet, but she knew that somehow he knew. He had walked into the foundry that evening with a frown on his face. The frown wasn't exactly new, she was used to his constant frowning. Apparently it was his facial default setting unless something else happened to solicit another expression. No, what made her so sure that her moment of indiscretion had not gone unnoticed was his reaction to her. Just the smallest falter in his stride, usually so sure and confident. He looked at her with that look of his that spoke of a thousand different things, but at the same time managed to obscure them just enough that she only got just the gist. The problem today was that this time she wasn't sure she understood what that was. Usually she could read him better, respond to him and adapt to him in ways that she was sure she'd never been able to do with another man before him. He was just Oliver, and she always tried her best to be _his _girl. Not his girl _girl_ obviously, but she'd been over it before she was sure. It made more sense in her head than it did out loud.

There was a wall.

Suddenly she felt ill, her stomach twisting in knots and her hands and fingers twisting nervously over her keyboards. It was the presence of that wall between them that had her so on edge. How could she have been so careless?

Just the smallest of minutes passed, but it was enough that her quick brain processed through this and allowed her to fidget, freeze, and correct her behavior. The physical part was the easy part, getting her body to move and do exactly what she wanted. It was her inability to use this same control over her mouth that often landed her in the rambling – and quite frankly extremely embarrassing – situations that she, more often than not, found herself in.

"Felicity?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice, even though he had used that gentle tone of his. The one she very rarely heard him use for others, and heard directed towards her quite a lot. Ignoring the fluttering of butterflies in her stomach she turned away from her beloved monitors and looked him dead in the eye.

_Hold strong Felicity, don't say a thing and don't act guilty. What isn't discussed can't be used to make you feel so… egh!_

His eyes were still guarded, but he smiled – just the tiniest upward quirk of his lips really – before he reached into his pocket and held something out to her.

She cupped her hands and was surprised by how heavy the small object he dropped into her hands was. Picking it up between her thumb and index finger she examined the small bronze coin. It was definitely old, probably older than her grandparents would be if they were still alive, but there was something about it that looked extremely familiar. It was a little dirty, and most of its features were covered with black stains that didn't reveal much.

"Interesting, but why did you give me this coin?" She raised her eyes to look at him and saw the slight amusement that decorated his features before he rained it in again.

"I managed to find this along the trail this thief left behind on his last raid. Thought maybe you could look into it and see if there's anything of worth to it."

She smiled now. This was familiar territory, this was what she was good at. She would simply use gentle chemicals that would reveal the coin's features and scan it before cross referencing it with every relatable thing that popped up. She was fairly sure that either one of them could do this as well, but it made her happy that he came to her with these kinds of things. Not because she felt he was giving her the tasks that didn't particularly require any special set of skills and could be done by anyone, but because he always tried to make her feel like she belonged. And yes, she would probably be able to find some information on it that they could somehow miss, because when it came to computers and information gathering; no one was her equal.

She enclosed the small but heavy coin in her fist and smiled up at him. "I'm your girl," was all she said.

There were moments when Felicity desperately wished for and missed her old life. Days when the mind numbing workload from being Oliver Queen's executive assistant began to make her head hurt were abundant with those moments.

Sure the computers Oliver had given her had more processing power than most assistant's computers – not much, and nowhere near what she would like to have – but she felt like she was no more than a human glorified calendar app.

This was ridiculous.

"You ready to go?" The sound of his voice sent shivers down her spine. It had taken a while, but she had finally been able to completely control visibly reacting to him.

She raised her eyes to meet his gaze where he was standing at the edge of her desk looking at her expectantly.

"I still have a lot of work to do," she lied easily. Having eyed the huge workload in the morning, she had worked through her lunch hour in hopes of getting everything done early. She knew that Oliver would expect them to go to the foundry and commence their nighttime vigilante jobs, but she was more interested in the coin that he had given her, and she was eager to begin her analysis of it.

He raised his eyebrows at her, and for once had the grace to look apologetic. It was still a common occurrence for her to express her distaste for her forced change in career.

"I'm sure it could wait." He spoke softly, giving her that look that made her stomach do little summersaults.

Today however, would not be one of those days when she fell to the charms of Oliver Queen. She smiled wryly at him, tilting her head to the side. "Not unless you want to show up to your meeting tomorrow with a half finished presentation that'll leave the investors so disappointed they'll be pulling their support faster than you can shoot an arrow."

Again he opened his mouth to speak, but the slight narrowing of her eyes had him closing it. Oliver was a smart man after all, and even he knew better than to test Felicity when it came to matters such as these.

"I'll see you later then?" his implication of it being at the foundry was not lost on her, which was why she simply pursed her lips and shrugged. Surely they could make it through one mission without her. They had before if she remembered correctly, albeit not as smoothly. Of that fact, she would always be proud.

For a moment the wall he that had sprung up between them fell and his beautiful blue eyes searched her face. But while his wall had fallen, she had been quick to put one up of her own. It wasn't fair, she decided stubbornly. She couldn't be the open book to him all the time, while he so casually shut her out whenever something got too deep, or too far into his darkest secrets. This, whatever their relationship was, would simply not work that way.

Whether he found whatever it was he was looking for, or if he simply gave up she didn't know. His brows pressed together in confusion, and she felt the urge to smooth out the crease that he made between his eyebrows. She clasped her hands together in her lap, silently willing them to obey. With one last look at her face Oliver turned around and walked out of the office.

Her quiet sigh of relief however, still managed to reach his ears.

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**Thank you to No. 1TwiFanpire, msreadalot71292, and Carfa for being the first to review! You will forever be in my heart :).**

**Reviews are love darlings.**


	3. Prologue: Walls

**Onwards!**

**III.**

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She wasn't sure if her frustration was at herself for not being able to find anything, or at the stupid coin for being so damn featureless and hard to identify in the first place. Felicity had raced home that night to begin her work on the coin. There was something about it that just snagged her curiosity in way that nothing had managed since her very first introduction to computers.

That alone should have warned her that there would be something more to this.

But like any good easily involved person, she had very pointedly decided to ignore her better judgment. Still, that didn't mean that she would find much, and only after she had thoroughly cleaned the coin and uploaded its image to her computer only to find absolutely nothing on it did she stop to think about how dangerous the coin could possibly be.

That too only piqued her curiosity to new extremes.

She knew that there was always something to be found, the smallest clue or the slightest image that pointed to the origins of something. Only this time there was nothing. Nothing more than ways to find antique coins and trading and collecting. There wasn't anything that remotely resembled it, the features were too worn out to make anything clear anymore, but to Felicity it looked like maybe it could be a bird. There were some raised markings on the bottom of the coin, clear enough that she could see that they were supposed to a foreign language, but not so clear that her computed could make out which one.

The computers at the foundry however, could have much better luck. She looked quickly at the cat shaped clock that hung above the entrance to her small kitchen. It was 11:35 p.m. late enough that Oliver and John would either be out patrolling right now, or otherwise have decided to go home if nothing too interesting happened. Felicity estimated that by the time she got there, her predictions would definitely but true.

She donned a simple white cardigan and jeans, and opted for a pair of ballet flats that were merciful on her feet after walking around Queen Consolidated all day in high heels. Laptop, keys, and mysterious coin in hand she locked her apartment behind her and made her way as quickly as possible to her car. She never quite liked being alone and outside this late at night.

The foundry was mercifully empty when she got there, and instantly she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. Taking a deep breath of air she made a beeline for her computers. This was home. Sure her apartment was where she slept and watched all her Doctor Who seasons over and over - all of them, because classic Doctor Who was amazing and drool worthy in its own right - but this… the foundry with its computers and deadly weapons and workout equipment – of which she only rarely used - was where she felt like she belonged. The computers started within seconds and she went to work, her fingers flying across the keyboard as she lost herself in the familiar comfort of the virtual world.

She stifled a yawn and rubbed her eyes, the small interruption serving as a reminder to check the time. It was now three in the morning. The surprise that should have registered didn't, but she supposed that after this becoming and increasing occurance -especially when she was in the foundry - it really shouldn't surprise her anymore. So far the coin remained almost as much a mystery as before, except she had managed to use the computers to enhance the image on the coin. Her initially suspicion had been right, and she felt a little triumphant at having gotten it mostly correct. The bird had once been an owl, wings extended as it took flight. What kind of owl was still a mystery, but it had been a victory in her books.

While the prograrm she had quickly modified had done its work on the coin, she had scanned every possible department or bureau for any information anyone might have gathered or discovered about the Starling City vigilante. Everything that seemed a little too dangerous was either carefully modified to be incorrect, or deleted altogether. It would be too suspicious to just delete everything, and she didnt't want anyone suspecting that he could - or had someone who could - hack into government and local databases. While the challange of breaking past something more difficult was interesting, she dind't really want the added hassle whenever time was of the essance. She considered this taking one for the team.

She picked up te coin, desperately wishing that there was something more to it that could help her with it.

And then it hit her. Feeling slighly silly and stupid for not having thought of her new idea sooner she began her search anew, only this time deciding to focus on organizations with the owl as their emblem. It was a long shot, but she felt that the coin had been important for a reason, and in the state it was in she somehow doubted that its importance came from its monetary value.

It took her a little while to modify the face recognition softwhere, but once she had it done she set it so that it would instantly recognize anything and everyone with an owl shaped coin or emblem that even remotely resembled the one she had. Feeling satisfied with the work she had managed to do, she got up and looked around the foundry. It was now four in the morning and while the prospect of simply staying here to sleep instead of driving back to her apartment was tempting, she knew that the hassle to go home and change quickly before work was not something she wanted to deal with. Though she knew Oliver would barely bat an eyelash if she came in a little late, she wanted to maintain her image of professionalism, and that included punctuality.

Heavens forbid that her tardiness and subsequent lack of punishment be another reason everyone add to their suspicions that her promotion to excuive assistant was simply the result of her hiking up her skirt and spredding her legs over Oliver's desk.

She would have blushed at the thought, had her outrage at such thinking not overshdowed the small flutering of butterflies everytime she thought about the possibility of being intimate with Oliver in _that _way. Felicity had simply decided that some people were idiots, and that thinking the only way a woman could earn such a promotion was by offering _special_ services made them even more so.

Still, it was nice to take her frustration out on Oliver who couldn't simply leave her and her potentially -but in all reality assured - amazing IT career alone.

Once again gathering her things, she left her beloved computers running to complete their task before giving the foundry a quick once over. It was always hard to imagine it the way it had been, completely destroyed and seemingly impossible to repair. But she had worked diligently to put it back to its former glory, quite possibly working harder than the others who seemed to think that perhaps it was time to move to a new lair.

The place had charm however, and she had vehemently fought any and all thoughts of simply moving somewhere else. A small part of her agreed with them, stating that this place was found entirely too often and was known by too many people, but for every reason this more reasonable part of her came up the emotionally attached side of her came up with barely passable rationalizations. She could always beef up the security, and considering how many of them now knew about Team Arrow and were either a part of it or in cahoots, there could always be someone present here.

Like she said, barely passable rationalizations.

She stopped by the small hooks attached to one of the beams by the stairs and examined the coat that now hung from one of them. It was obviously a womans, a simple black pea coat but with the waist tucked in to accentuate the curves. Her eyes narrowed just the slightest bit as she recognized where it was from.

Laurel.

It wasn't that Felicity didn't like Laurel, in all reality Laurel wasn't exactly a dislikable person - for the most part - but she was wary of her. Laurel seemed... fickle. Her reactions to and about the Arrow had always been changing from one extreme to the other. One day he was a savior, and the next he was a monster and a criminal. She could still remeber the slight feeling of exhasparation and confusion when John told her all about those moments. She hadn't been part of the team then, and she knew John would always do his best to make her as knoweledgable about the people they were dealing with as much as possible.

Speaking of which she really needed to start shopping for a crib or a baby car seat. Lyla was now six months pregnant, and Felicity was absolutley extatic at the thought of being an aunt. John had simply chuckled when she told him this and looked at her with a gaze that spoke of deep friendship and appreciation, and of that she was glad, after all she returned those feelings in full.

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"Felicity?"

_Ignore the feelings woman! _The thought was instant in her head.

"Oliver," she smiled as gently as she could at him. He looked at her uncertainly, his eyes betraying the warriness that she knew he didn't want to show.

"I think you should head home for the day."

Her eyebrows rose at his words, and she could have sworn he leaned back just the slightest of inches.

"Why?" The question came out sharper than she meant it, but at the same time she was proud of the strength in her voice. She had expereinced trouble looking at him, much less speaking to him, for a little while after his "I love you" ruse. Of course she understood why he had done it, and given the results him managing to outfox Slade had solicited, she couldn't reproach him for it. At least not logically. But she wasn't as logical as her computers, and somewhere inside she knew that the desperation with which she had wished his words were true caused her to resent him. Even if only just a little.

"Have you looked in the mirror today?"

Her eyes narrowed, but he held his own. In that moment she seriously couldn't see how he had been such a player in his earlier years. The tact with which he spoke sometimes seemed more of a lifelong thing than something that resulted from five years on a deserted island.

She was of course, just speculating.

"As a matter of fact I didn't have much time to do so this morning, and I don't exactly carry around a mirror with me at all times." There we go! There was the strength she wanted in her voice. Solid and unwavering, much like her current baleful glare.

"You look like you haven't slept a wink, and I saw you nodding off earlier. Go home, get some rest, no one will say a thing if you leave early just this once." The tone he used - while gentle - spoke of finality, an order which she had to obey.

He should have known better than to expect her to take it kindly.

"You listen to me Oliver Queen! I will do what I damn well please with my nights and my sleeping habbits. Just because you are my boss, doesn't mean you get to tell me what to do. Well I mean I guess it does, but not when it comes to this. Honestly you'd think someone as smart as you would be able to figure it out by now. People are always going to talk, and while I'm here I will always be the girl with the loose skirt and the open legs that somehow managed to seduce her hunky boss to get her position. And wow I cannot believe I just said that! I'm going to stop right now in 3... 2... 1..."

The amusement on his face was apparent, and she knew the reason he bit his lip was to keep himself from saying anything in response, or quite possibly smiling at another one of her rambling moments.

"I just thought-"

"Well don't! Let me do my job, which is to help you do your job, which will in turn help us do our night job so that we can continue to do these jobs. Wow that was convoluted, it makes so much more sense in my head."

"I gathered."

Her eyes narrowed again and rather than risking opening her mouth again she pointed very sharply at his office. He took the hint, and even had the audacity to look a little like a kid being sent to his room, and left her alone.

It was only after she had continued to work half the day and taken a nap in her car during her lunch hour that she realized why the altercation with him had been so familiar yet so strange at the same time.

For the first time in weeks, the wall between them had been completely down, and he had let her back in.

Her cheeks started to hurt that night after having smiled so much that day.

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**The coin is incredibly important to future events, so I promise there is more to it than just a challange for our dear Felicity. **

**The next couple of chapters are crucial to the way this story will unfold, especially since it's still evolving in my head, so please comment/review/give feedback or guidance, it is truly very much appreciated.**

**Until next time my darlings.**


	4. Prologue: Daughters of Wisdom

**Onwards!**

**IV.**

She knew that it was supposed to hurt. She had felt disappointment before, an excruciating number of times, but even so she hadn't expected it to hurt quite this much. The stabbing pain in her chest, as if someone was violently twisting her insides, only served to remind her that her fear that she would always be second best was solidly founded.

It had taken her a while to notice it, mostly because she always tried to avoid Laurel whenever she might happen to be at the foundry, and more recently Oliver. She felt bad at her avoidance of the other woman. She didn't have anything against her personally, but she felt that being forced to bare witness to the obvious feelings and chemistry that existed between Oliver and Laurel was a bit to much for anyone to expect for her to put up with.

Luckily the other gorgeous woman very rarely stopped by the foundry, preferring to help the team from the vantage point of the DA's office. In the wake of Slade's attack on Starling City and the death of the DA, Laurel had stepped up to fill her shoes. At least until a new mayor and subsequently a new DA were appointed.

Sometimes Felicity still couldn't believe just how Sebastian Blood had been able to fool them all. Maybe it was because unlike Isabel Rochev - who had been unpleasant since day one - Blood had been charming and seemingly harmless.

Felicity sat in front of her computers at the foundry, only occasionally looking at the screens. The program she had set up last week was still running, and so far there was little headway, but sometimes these things took time. It was all a matter of being patient, and then she'd have her perp. She muffled her giggle by turning it into a cough, but John looked at her curiously either way. She simply shook her head and returned her attention to the training mats, the source of her displeasure and disappointment.

Felicity never liked for John to train her in front of Oliver. Take it as a pride thing, but something about getting her butt handed to her - even if it was as a way to show her how to defend herself - was not something she was particularly interested in him seeing. Especially when Oliver himself could go toe to toe with John and give the the other man a run for his money.

So naturally she tried to have John arrange their training sessions for times when Oliver was almost guaranteed to not be there.

Almost however, was not nearly as good as absolutely.

_"John, sometimes I think you take a little bit too much pleasure in nocking me around silly. Is this payback for all those times I didn't bring you any Thai food? Because if so, I whole heartedly apologize and want you to know that I don't do it intentionally, I just get into my own head sometimes and I forget that you and Oliver are going to be here."_

_John's answering grunt only served to make her think her suspicion was that much more founded, but before she could say so he interrupted her. "Felicity while I do enjoy Thai food, our training sessions are simply to make sure that you can defend yourself. Oliver and I think it's best if we don't have a repeat of what happened with the Clock King. You did well Felicity, but taking a bullet every time you take down one of the bad guys is not something we're eager to see._

_That of course shut her right up, and if she was being honest she felt touched that they cared as much as they did._

_But as soon as they walked into the lair the sound of grunts and the angry smack of flesh being hit greeted them. Oliver and Laurel, to whom Felicity had barely spoken more than four words to, were training on one of the many large execersize mats that occupied the side of the lair not taken up by their "crime-fighting" equipment - as Felicity liked to call it._

_Instantly a strange feeling crept up on her, leaving her chest just a little more hollow than it had been before she saw them. She couldn't exactly pinpoint why she felt like she did, and because of that the exact nature of the feeling itself shrouded itself to her._

_Sometimes she really did wish she could be as emotionlessly logical as her computers._

_"You two are really going at it, mind if we join you?" John spoke just as Felicity was already turning around, and she found herself cursing silently under her breath. John turned to look at her, his eyebrows puckered in confusion before he schooled his features. Sometimes he was a little too perceptive for his own good._

_Felicity looked at Oliver, very pointedly looking at only his face and not his naked torso. _Nothing you haven't seen before Felicity_, she thought quickly to herself._

_Oliver turned to look at her, seemingly sizing her up before shaking his head. "We were actually just finishing up." At his words Laurel sighed in relief and sat down on the mat, her fingers flying to undo the bandages that covered her fists with an eagerness that Felicity understood only too well. Oliver looked a little amused before he walked away from her, putting on his shirt as he passed John and Felicity and headed towards the stairs. _

_John turned to Felicity and nudged his head in the direction of the other mat. She rolled her eyes at him but walked over. Sitting cross legged on the floor, she began to wrap her hands in bandages just as Laurel finished unwrapping hers. The other woman looked over at her and smiled, and for a second Felicity was struck by just how genuine she seemed to be._

_Nothing like not being able to hate the competition. Not that there was any competition, it wasn't like Laurel and Felicity were enemies, sworn forever to fight each other for Oliver's affections. The image of the two of them duking it out on these very mats filled her head before she shook it aside. Now she was just being silly._

_"I can see why you'd rather Diggle train you. Oliver means well but I think he might be overdoing it. I was skeptical when he offered to teach me at first, but for different reasons. Now I wish that my original fear was right, I think I might just fall apart completely." Laurel laughed softly and shook her head, a few strands of her brown hair falling loose from its ponytail._

_Felicity simply smiled back, her eyes quickly flying over to John whose lips were pursed and brow furrowed in concentration. She could almost hear just how much thougt he was putting into Laurel's words._

_"John can be pretty brutal too," Felicity piped up, and her ruse worked. John raised his eyes to look at her and then quickly narrowed them, playfully daring her to continue._

_Absolutely sure that she would be paying for it in a couple moments, but determined to be as friendly to Laurel as possible, Felicity raised her arm and showed her a bruise just below her shoulder. "This is from a week and half ago when I messed up and he ended up hitting me there." The bruise was yellowing now, only slightly purple around the edges, but the discolored area was still big enough that it's initial size and "severity" could still be made out._

_Laurel hissed appreciatively and raised her leg, a similar bruise located just above her shin. "I tried kicking him and he punched my leg away, I distinctly remember having to limp home that night."_

_The two women laughed in unison, and Felicity felt proud of herself. She was a grown adult, and was more than capable of schooling her reactions and emotions. It wasn't a if Laurel had ever done anything to her on purpose. Her only fault was that she was the woman Oliver loved, something Felicity was sure she would always be slightly jealous of._

"Felicity!" John's voice, now loud enough that Felicity was positive he had repeated her name at least a couple times before, disturbed her concentration.

She raised her hand and pushed her glasses up her nose even thought they were already in the place she liked them. It was just something she did without thinking about it until after she ha done it. "What's up?"

John raised an eyebrow at her attempted nonchalance, clearly not believing her.

"You've been staring at the mat for twenty minutes, and don't try to tell me you've been working. You haven't touched your keyboard and the screens already went dark.

To her chagrin Felicity realized he was right, and quickly tapped a couple buttons to bring the screens back to life. "Care to share your thoughts?" John prompted.

She regarded him for a second, before deciding that this - what she was thinking - was just not worth the trouble of bothering him with it too.

He frowned at her as she shook her head and took a couple steps towards her. "You know you can always share what you're thinking with me, no matter what it is?"

Her response was forgotten as Oliver came up behind him, brow furrowed in curiosity and his lips turned just slightly down at the corners.

"Everything okay?" he asked, his gaze focused on Felicity.

Somehow this made it worse, and Felicity felt herself tense up as he looked at her. Not this time however. She wouldn't fall victim to that look of concern on his face. Not now when she knew all too well just how little it actually meant.

"Everything is fine," she insisted and gave them both a looked that left absolutely no room for doubt. Whatever it was that was bothering her, they wouldn't so much as hear a word of it, at least not tonight.

She turned her attention back to her computer and saw that the image of a woman was front and center.

Her program had finally done its job. She shooed the both of them away, ignoring the look they exchanged as she did so, and focused on the small picture.

It had been taken by the camera of an ATM as she walked by what must have been a bank. Her hands quickly flew across the keyboard as she typed furiously, watching as the image was enhanced as much as she could make it.

While it was still not as crystal clear as she would like it to be, the picture was still more than she could have hoped for. Felicity knew that whoever she was, the woman was drop dead gorgeous. Her skin was a delicate and pretty ivory, the curtains of dark hair that framed her face in stark contrast to the lightness of her skin. She had almond shaped eyes and perfectly shaped nose, small and demure and as perfectly proportioned as the rest of her appeared to be.

But what struck Felicity the most was the image of the owl on a necklace that hung from neck. Unlike her coin, the necklace was made from delicately woven metal, that only made the shape of the owl and the circle around it.

She gasped excitedly and zoomed in the necklace, finally able to look at the words that were scratched onto the bottom half of the metal circlet. Within a few moments Felicity had managed to decipher the entirety of the phrase and nearly shook with excitement at the translation she had been able to procure.

"Daughters of Wisdom"

* * *

She was probably being childish. Scratch that, she knew for a fact that she was being childish, but there was something about this little tidbit of information that she couldn't bring herself to share with John and Oliver, at least not yet.

The looks of confusion that had decorated their faces was the only thing that let her know she at least had managed to fool them. Felicity wasn't quite sure for how long exactly, but she knew that it would at least be long enough for her to think of some sort of excuse.

It was silly really, but she almost felt like the coin and its inscription were sacred somehow. Showing it to her partners wasn't something that she was comfortable doing just yet. And it scared her.

Sure there were things she wasn't always comfortable telling Oliver about, even after he had let her know that she could always open up to him. It was easier said than done. John on the other hand was her confidant, she felt more comfortable telling him the things that normally made her cringe if she even thought about sharing them with Oliver. Not necessarily because she trusted him more, or because she loved or cared about him more than she did Oliver, but simply because wasn't in love with him. Not that she was in love with Oliver. Of course not. She was attracted, there was no denying that, and there was definitely something about the way he talked to her that sent her heart racing in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with his looks and was elicited simply because of the kind of person he was. But that definitely didn't mean she was in love with him... Right?

She shook her head vehemently as she walked up the stairs and pushed her glasses up her nose. That kind of convoluted thinking would give her a headache in a way that code and breaking firewalls never could.

Verdant was still empty, but she knew that the club wouldn't remain like that for long. Even after Thea had left Starling City, Oliver had found someone trustworthy to run the club. It was after all, one of the many things that had been taken from him when his family company had been seized, and then returned when Isabel Rochev died and he had managed to regain it. Not alone of course, but he had worked harder than any of them to get it back.

Knowing that she could simply erase the footage from the cameras later, Felicity made her way into small cellar where all the best bottles of wine were stored. They weren't used as often as the hard liquor and champagne that usually flowed like water in the club, but they were there in case someone wanted one. And right now, she didn't just want one, she desperately needed one.

She picked one up at random and stuffed it in her large purse. There was no need to check what kind it was. Whichever it was would be ridiculously expensive and probably more than she could ever afford off her old IT salary.

Sometimes being her had its merits, and she knew that no one would begrudge her this one bottle. But to be safe would still delete the footage later. Why take the risk right?

Fifteen minutes later and she was struggling with the door to her apartment. Four months the darned thing had been practically broken and refused to simply do what it was designed to do and let her in when she put the key in and twisted it in the right direction. That was how door locks were supposed to work. Only this one had decided that it would simply give her the trouble of not taking her key - even though she knew it was the right one - and when it finally did, force her to wriggle vviolently it until she opened the door. Getting the key out again was an entirely different matter.

"Need a hand there?"

She whirled around at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. Instantly John's training kicked in - along with her doubts from earlier, but she attempted to shrug these away for the moment - and she took in her surroundings. The hallway was still empty, the only new feature was the man that hung out by his doorway. Behind him were bright yellow walls and something that looked like a painting hung from the wall. Her eyes however, were instantly drawn to the man that took up most of the space there.

He was handsome, undeniably so. His dark brown hair was short on the sides, but the top was just long enough that he could comb it back into a look that was both stylish and easy. A neatly trimmed beard covered his cheeks and chin and connected to an equally trim mustache. The light brown cardigan and black button down shirt he wore were casual, as were the dark blue jeans that hung rather well from his narrow waist.  
A blush that shouldn't have been there forced its way onto Felicity's cheeks, and she swallowed thickly before replying. "The door's a little broken. I think it hates me." Her voice was more steady than she expected it to be, and she felt herself relax a little.

The stranger chuckled and raised his eyebrows at her in amusement. For some reason this only made her blush a little more, and she cleared her throat as quietly as she could. He padded over to her barefoot, and Felicity held her breath as he brushed past her. He jiggled the doorknob a little before deftly twisting it open, the door flying forward to reveal the - thankfully clean - interior of her apartment.

She bit down on her lip and gave him a look that conveyed nothing but pure embarrassment. He raised an eyebrow at her but otherwise didn't say anything.

Suddenly a thought struck her and before she could stop herself or examine it more closely she was whirling around.

"Are you new here?" She almost felt like she was just a spectator, watching her body interact with the beautiful stranger but at the same time coudln't stop the words from flowing out of her mouth without her permission.

"Yes, I moved here just last week."

"How about I make you some dinner, welcome you to the building?"

On the outside she might have appeared normal and relaxed, but her insides were raging in a battle of wills. One side of her wanted him to say no, to give her a look of scorn and rejection and simply walk back to his apartment, shut the door, and effectively end all future communication between them. That was the part of her that always screamed for her to get just a little bit closer to Oliver, to open up just a little more, to become just a little more intertwined with him.

The other part was the more logical side of her. The one that constantly screamed for her to move on, because there was just no way that he would ever look at her the way she wanted him to.

The decision was taken out of her hands as soon as she made her offer to him.

"That sounds great!" He sounded genuinely happy with her offer, and she found herself grinning at him just as happily.

"Great," she dug into her purse and pulled out the bottle of wine that she had taken from the nightclub and held it up. "I'm not sure what it is, but friends tell me its good, and I'm feeling like a glass tonight would be perfect."

If possible his smile grew just a little wider, and the effect on his features wasdevastating. He looked even more handsome. "Even better."

* * *

"Sorry about lying to you." She apologized for the umpteenth time that night. Felicity had already lost count of how many times she had apologized to him, but she was hoping that maybe this time he would just accept.

"I told you it's fine," he chuckled at her as he pointed his chopsticks in her direction, holding a rather delicate looking noodle between them. "Chinese food just so happens to be my favorite type of takeout."

She had gone into her apartment after he accepted her offer and eagerly walked over to her fridge. Only to find it sadly and rather pathetically empty as she swung the stainless steel door open. Between her day job, night job, and everything else that always fell in between, she had forgotten to do her grocery shopping.

Again.

She had spent the better part of the last hour apologizing to him as he simply took out his cell phone and ordered them some take out, but not before quickly asking her if she liked Chinese food.

And then he had simply shaken his head and refused to so much as let her pull out her wallet when the delivery boy showed up with their food.

That of course had sent her apologies onto another level.

"Now please stop apologizing, or I'm going to think you regret asking me to share dinner with you tonight." She pursed her lips and regarded him silently.

"I think the actual offer was to cook you dinner."

He raised his eyebrow at her as he chewed his food.

"Then maybe you can cook me dinner this Sunday."

It was her turn to raise her eyebrows at him as she sat back in her chair.

"Really?" She asked, trying and failing to fight the smile that worked its way onto her mouth.

"I mean, if you really want to apologize for lying to me." He shrugged and laughed at her falsely undignified expression as he turned the tables on her.

"Alright then, but get ready for a string bean casserole that's going to blow you away. It will literally make you moan." She blushed again and began to back pedal as quickly as possible. "Not in, you know, a weird way or anything, not that you moan, it's just that it's really good and it's taken three generations on my mothers side to get the recipe right. Oh god you probably think I'm really weird now." Her face fell into her hands and she closed her eyes as she waited for him to criticize her.

After he didn't say anything for a minute she looked up again, only to find him holding his chopsticks loosely in his right hand as he chewed on his full lower lip. "I love string bean casserole." He declared before picking up a steamed piece of broccoli and popping it into his mouth. He moaned then, making a show of the sound and rolling his eyes appreciatively before winking at her.

The sound of her laughter almost drowned out the sound of someone knocking on her front door. He twisted in his seat and looked at the door. "Were you expecting someone?" he asked her, his eyebrows furrowed together as he turned around again to regard her. She shook her head and got to her feet quickly.

"No that I know of," she declared, before quickly checking her phone again to make sure she hadn't missed any calls, texts, or appointments.

Her phone was mercifully clear, and she walked over to the door quickly as the sound of someone knocking on it - harder and more incessantly this time - rang through her apartment again.

"Oliver?"

Oliver had never before come to her front door, in fact she wasn't sure he had ever been over, much less aware of where she lived.

_Of course he knows where you live silly_, Felicity thought to herself. Despite knowing this, she couldn't help but feel slightly taken aback at his sudden appearance.

"Felicity," he spoke her name in that strange way of his. The one he only used when he was being gentle, kind in that way that made her knees wobbly. His voice caressed her name, implying something that Felicity knew was anything but the truth.

"What can I help you with?" She asked, her tone betraying the hint of anger she felt as she remembered the original reason she had felt distraught.

He frowned at her, the gentle smile falling from his face as he regarded her closely. She was sure that there was nothing about her that could betray everything she had been thinking that afternoon, or what she had neglected to tell them. They knew better than to touch her computers, but even so she had been sure to lock all the information she had discovered away for the time being.

"I was hoping you and I could-"

Whatever he was about to say was interrupted as he looked past her and zeroed in on the man standing at the entrance to her kitchen. She turned around and saw William regarding the both of them silently. His expression was openly curious, but she knew that even his friendliness would be deterred from the hostility she could feel emanating from Oliver.

Hostility she couldn't quite understand.

"Let's talk out in the hallway," she insisted before moving past Oliver, her shoulder brushing against his side as she walked out of her apartment. "I'll be right back," she tossed over her shoulder as a last thought. She took a couple paces until she was pressed up against the wall opposite her door, and crossed her arms over her chest.

She raised her eyebrows questioningly as she waited for him to speak.

The first words that came out of his mouth were definitely not the ones she was expecting. "Who is that?" He asked, jamming his thumb behind him and pointing to the now closed door to her apartment.

"A friend," she said simply, for some reason feeling affronted at having to answer to him.

"What kind of friend?"

She scoffed and pushed off the wall, taking a couple steps to her right as she effectively put more distance between herself and Oliver.

"The friendly kind." She declared, and for once - in what felt like a lifetime of having to back pedal as her lighting fast brain somehow failed to keep control of her mouth - found herself not caring at the possible implications of what she had said.

Implications that apparently were not lost on Oliver as he scowled at her.

"We don't know anything about him." His "we" obviously referring to himself and John.

"Believe it or not Oliver I am allowed to have a life outside of you."

She hadn't meant for her words to hurt him, she had simply wanted to say them aloud, as if by doing so she could make them come true. And for the first time since she had met Oliver, she found herself wishing that she wasn't so irrevocably involved in his life.

"I know," he choked out. The hurt in his eyes was almost too much for Felicity to bare, but she held her ground, somehow knowing that the outcome of her discussion with him would forever change their dynamic. She wanted distance.

Distance was finally a good thing in her eyes.

"Then make it quick Oliver, I have to get back to my friend."

A muscle in his jaw ticked, and his fist slowly clenched and unclenched as he carefully looked over her head.

"I don't think it matters anymore."

Now it was her turn to feel hurt, but she quickly shoved the sharp feeling of her heart being squeezed aside. She didn't have a right to feel hurt when she was the one pushing him away.

"Okay then." She regarded him sadly, hoping that he would look into her eyes and let her look into him. If he could give her this, then maybe...

But he turned around and walked away, leaving her standing alone, her heart beating rapidly as if it knew that its owner was walking away from it.

* * *

**This chapter definitely turned into a bit of a monster, but I'm happy with the way it turned out.**

**Patience my darlings, all things in good time. Felicity's reasons for being distraught will be revealed in the next chapter, as well as some other key points.**

**Please review darlings, this is probably the hardest fanfic I've attempted to write so far, and I could use all the feedback/help/love you can send me. Remember, reviews are love.**


	5. Prologue: Us

**Onwards!**

* * *

**V.**

**Oliver**

His muscles were practically screaming in protest, but Oliver was good at ignoring the feeling. Exhaustion was simply a part of life, and it was something that he had long ago learned how to ignore. On the island it hadn't mattered if he was tired, or starving, or even right at the brink of death, when he needed to fight he had to fight, and when he needed to run he had to run.

Even after all of these years and the events of the last year Slade's voice still spoke out in his head whenever a situation would have him reacting in exactly the way he had been trained to. Slade's voice berated him, offered him advice, and often laughed at him and some of his more idiotic choices.

Oliver knew that he shouldn't be grateful to hear his voice after everything, but that had been a different Slade. The one who had been his brother and comrade in much the way Diggle was now.

Diggle, whose daughter was due any day now.

The staff in his arms cracked and shattered in two as he delivered a particularly harsh blow to the figure he used for training. He threw the two halves away and started to use his fists, delivering punch after punch as the sweat continued to drip down his body.

He had hoped that the physical strain would help him focus on something other than the multitude of problems he was facing with his team. He had reached a conclusion about Diggle, and he knew that his partner would not appreciate the decision that had been made for him. The man was nothing if not stubborn and proud, but Oliver knew that he was making the right choice. Diggle had something that Oliver could never have, and he didn't want his mission getting in the way of that for him, who deserved so much better than what he had been given so far and was finally about to receive it.

But while his dilemma over Diggle was a shadow on his mind, there was another problem that had him down in the foundry taking his frustrations out on the training dummy. The sight of that man standing in Felicity's apartment was seared into his memory. He had seen red, and at the time he had wanted nothing more than to beat the man soundly and toss him out of the apartment he had absolutely no business being in.

His knuckles had not been bandaged, and blood flowed freely now from the cuts and abrasions he had succeeded in making with his relentless training.

It was obvious that Felicity harbored some feelings for him, or at least had. In his worst moments she had moved him in a way that nothing else could and he had seen the affection in her eyes. Affection that he had refused to recognize for the better part of two years. Felicity was good. There was just something about her that spoke of softness, innocence, and kindness. He wouldn't - couldn't - risk something like that by possibly allowing himself to become involved more than he already was.

Though he had used it to his advantage at the time, the very realization that simply telling her that he loved her had made Felicity into a target for the man who hated him the most was terrifying.

He heard a crack and a searing pain shot up his hand. Oliver turned away from the training dummy and flexed the hand he had injured, he knew he would have to stop now. An injured hand was no good when he needed to use his bow, and if he kept going it would only get worse.

The knowledge that he had no right to her was blatant in every thought he had, and he had learned long ago that emotions were irrational. The wrong one at the wrong time could get you killed. But he couldn't seem to stop himself from wanting so desperately to allow those feelings to simply be.

She had been quiet the entire day. Something that was highly unusual for her, but he had decided to simply let her be. There had been something different between them ever since she and Diggle had run into Laurel and him in the middle of their training. Diggle had asked if they could join and he had taken one look at her. One look had been enough for him to know that he could never train her. The thought of possibly laying a hand on her, even if it was to teach her how to defend herself, was something he couldn't even bring himself to contemplate thoroughly. Even more so than that, to train someone he had to see them as an enemy. To know which way someone would attack them so he could teach them to react accordingly. He had to see them as a target. And he absolutely refused to look at Felicity that way. Not her of all people.

* * *

**Felicity**

It had been five days since she had invited William over to her apartment for dinner, and so far Felicity was absolutely certain of three things.

The first was that William was perhaps the most open and secret-less person she had met in what seemed almost entirely too long. It made her feel slightly guilty, knowing that she would always keep the secret of the foundry and the team from him, but after so many other times, she had grown accustomed to brushing those feelings aside when it came to her nighttime job. Unlike her though, William responded to everything with an honesty that she had initially had trouble accepting as normal. She was so used to the world of secrets and lies that someone like him seemed strange to her.

Strange in an incredible way.

The second was that William was a lot smarter than she had initially anticipated, and had even been able to understand some of the things she said to him when she got started on her computers. The glassy eyed look that usually colored everyone else's eyes remained absent from his, and she had been ecstatic that he asked her questions whenever something didn't make sense to him. Normally people would smile and nod when they didn't understand something, and that angered her more than anything else. If someone wasn't going to pay attention they should at least have the decency to admit it.

The third was that he did not like to beat around the bush, and that was why she was currently sitting at her desk practically vibrating with anticipation.

The day after their take-out dinner at her apartment he had asked her out on a date. A real date. Summoning every bit of self control that she had - especially over her mouth - Felicity had managed a simple yes.

While her declaration that she had a life outside of the Arrow and his crusade had been mostly false at the time (because seriously what else did she do besides that and watch season after season of every show that caught her interest on Netflix?) she was determined to make it true now. William was just a very happy way of doing so.

* * *

She could feel it again, the slight crawl of her skin as she sensed Oliver's eyes on her. Fighting down the shiver that threatened to shake her she focussed on the coin in her hands. She kept waiting for the information she had learned to just come out of her like it always did, but something held her back, and she didn't have the slightest clue as to what. She tore her gaze from the coin in her fingers to look at Oliver through the glass walls that separated her desk from his office. He was staring at his tie with an intense interest that instantly let her know that he had looked away from her the moment she had turned her head.

The small smile that spread across her lips died quickly. His avoidance was exactly why she was upset with him now. She couldn't shake the feeling that he had been on the verge of saying something important that day in her hallway, but he had once again decided to simply avoid talking. Oliver was brave when it came to many things, but dealing with friends and family was something that she had quickly discovered was something that left him out of his element.

The alarm on her phone went off, signaling that it was the end of her workday. On days like this, when she had no choice but to be near him when she so desperately wished for distance, she found herself wishing she still worked as a tech support and sales clerk... and those had been particularly dark days.

She knew he had resumed watching her the moment she began to gather her things. If anything, leaving exactly on time was not something that she usually did. Normally she would stay as long as he did, sometimes even longer as she worked ahead so as to free her weekend of work. But today she was eager to get home and get ready for her dinner date. While William was impeccably charming and would no doubt say something nice about her appearance, she still felt like she owed it to him to make it easy for him to say such things and not make him a liar.

And so her things were gathered in record time, the Wisdom Coin (as she had taken to calling it) clutched safely in her fist, over sized purse that had just enough space for her laptop tossed over her shoulder, and headed towards the executive elevator.

She pretended she didn't see him get up the instant he realized she was leaving. It really was very strange of her to leave so early. The sharp staccato of her heels clicking against the floor was all she let herself focus on, the sight of Oliver walking briskly towards her in her peripheral vision something she didn't let herself think about. The doors dinged open immediately after she pressed the button, and she stepped in. They didn't close quickly enough for her, and she looked up just in time to see him still walking towards her, his mouth opening to say something.

The doors closed just as her name began to fall from his lips, "Feli-".

* * *

**Oliver**

It was easier to pretend that it hadn't hurt. Once so very rare in his life, rejection was much more familiar to him now. It was the product of his secrets, the darkness that he knew constantly surrounded him and scarred off those who made the mistake of thinking they could be near him without getting hurt.

He knew she had seen him, the tense set of her shoulders betraying exactly what she was feeling. Oliver couldn't quite remember when he had learned to read her so well. What every little expression meant, what it meant when she worried her full bottom lip with her teeth, what each sigh (because there was a variety of them: tired, frustrated, resigned, happy, the list was endless) meant. All he knew was that he could read her now. It was something he liked about his friendship with her, something that was just so… solid.

She was a constant. Someone who could be trusted, was invaluable, and could be turned to in times of need. Felicity alone knew him and understood him in a way that took him entirely too long to realize that he loved. What this left him wondering was whether he was in love with Felicity. He loved her, of course he did. But love was tricky, it had many different faces, and despite all the experience he had garnered over years and years, even his own feelings sometimes confused him.

So yes, it was easier to pretend that her ignoring him didn't hurt. But at the moment it wasn't something the sharp twist in his chest let him do. He debated going after her for a quick second, before deciding that it was probably better to give her space.

He made his way back to his desk and plopped himself down on his chair. Already the office seemed lonelier without her presence, without the rapid clicking on keyboards as her hands flew across them with a speed that made his with a bow and arrow look amateurish at best.

The cell phone in his hand seemed at least ten times heavier than it really was. He unlocked it quickly and pulled up the contact of the one person he felt could give him some type of advice.

The phone went to voicemail, but he wasn't really surprised. Despite her many texts about her current location, she never answered.

"Thea... hey." His mouth felt dry, and the lump in his throat felt particularly thick. Ever since he returned she had begged him to open up to her, and now here he was hoping desperately that she would take pity and answer his questions and doubts. "I'm not really sure what to say..." he paused again and counted his own heart beat.

1... 2... 3... 4... 5...

"It's hard for me to explain. I just... I need some help with something and I'm afraid I'm a little out of my element here. Please... call me back Thea." He left the unspoken words linger on his mouth for a second, wanting to say "I miss you" but at the same time unable to admit it.

He ended the call and stared at his phone.

Three hours later it pinged as he walked over to gather his supplies to sharpen his arrows. He pulled it out quickly and starred at the screen curiously.

She hadn't called back, but Thea knew him well, perhaps more than he gave her credit for.

The text was simple and short, but for some reason he felt like she had given him the answer he had refused to accept was the only one left. "Let them in Ollie."

* * *

**Felicity**

**_Four Months Later-_**

She gave an appreciative twirl as she looked in the mirror. The dress she had picked for tonight was one of her favorites. A deep cerulean that shimmered like water whenever she moved and seemed to flow in her stillness. She had saved for the better part of three months for the dress, and she was happy to finally have an excuse to wear it. William had asked her to dinner yet again - with the same bashful expression on his face as always, despite the fact that no matter how many times he asked she had always said yes - and told her that they were going somewhere fancy. He tried to take her to nice places as often as he could, but she kept telling him it wasn't necessary. A simple dinner at the Big Belly Burger was all she really needed to feel satisfied.

Still, it didn't stop him from trying for the fancy places as often as he could swing them, and then refusing to let her help pay. "Please, I insisted we come here, let it be my treat." When he wasn't looking she usually snuck the tip he had put down back into his jacket and left her own cash behind for the server.

The blush that colored her cheeks was definitely not new when it came to him, but at the same time she didn't feel embarrassed for it anymore. She was surprisingly articulate when she was around William, he was just so calm and dependable, and she was sure that was the main reason she suddenly developed a brain-to-mouth filter when she was around him. The pace of his life was turtle speed compared to that of Oliver and John's, and she found it… refreshing.

She knew should feel guilty for feeling so. That was one part of her double life that she had never been quite able to get over, and it was how out of balance she seemed to feel on occasion. Not as if she didn't belong, because John and Oliver always did their best to make sure she felt like she did, but simply the knowledge that she wasn't cut from the same cloth they were.

Even Roy, who had been a part of the team for an even smaller amount of time than she, seemed to fit in more than she did. Felicity wasn't as strong as they were, as capable of compartmentalizing and rationalizing through everything, especially in life or death situations, at least when she was on the field. Safe behind her computers was another story all together, and it was there that she felt her most useful.

They had praised her, but she knew that the time with the Clock King had been a fluke, she hadn't been allowed to think, she had simply run, pushed Sara, and pressed her tablet. Nothing more than a fluke.

In William she found the sense of security she had been looking for without even realizing it.

The doorbell rang, and she felt her heart skip a beat in that way that had her feeling elated and guilty all at the same time. Elated because she truly did like William. Guilty because she didn't like him as much as she knew she could if it wasn't for…

She shook her head vehemently, risking loosening the elegant bun with just a few stray strand framing her face that had taken her what seemed like forever to get just right. The door flew open as she eagerly thrust it aside, and the smile that spread across her face showed nothing of the guilt she had been thinking of not two seconds ago.

She was discovering quickly that William was beautiful not just physically, but a internally as well. Sometimes she would stare at her phone, pondering just what to text him back after he had sent her a new text. Completely out of the blue and unexpected the first time it had happened, but something she looked forward to every day now. The first one had been a paragraph about something that had just occurred that he found particularly humorous, she had responded quickly, eager to hear more. And that had been just the beginning. Nearly every day he sent her a new one, always something funny that would make her smile or laugh.

Felicity wasn't quite sure why she found that particular trait so charming. Maybe because she rarely got any messages that weren't urgent ones that required her to hack her way into some government agency or other, but it had quickly become one of her favorite things about him.

William blew out a low whistle as he took her in, his eyes widening appreciatively as he took her in. It had a deep v-neck that showed just enough of her cleavage to be classy while still somewhat provocative, the sleeves simple straps of cloth that wrapped around her arms just below her shoulders and connected int he middle with a small bow. She grinned at him and gave him a once over too, pursing her lips.

"Not liking what you're seeing?" He asked, his eyebrow raised questioningly at her. She simply shrugged wrinkled her nose in mockingly.

"Don't know, guess you'll have to wait to find out." William nodded solemnly and stretched out his arm, offering her his hand. She took it happily and hummed with approval as his warm large, warm hand wrapped gently around her comparatively tiny one. She grabbed her purse from the table beside her doorway and checked quickly to make sure she had everything she needed.

After locking her door behind her she wrapped her arm around his and leaned into his side, walking at a comfortable pace next to him as he led them to the elevator. It was in that moment that she noticed just one more thing about him, and that was how easily the contact came to them both. She didn't think twice about it, she simply reached out and touched and connected.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his frown even more upsetting to her because of the bright smile that had preceded it.

"Us," she answered simply.

"And that makes you sad?"

She gave him a smile that she hoped portrayed everything she wanted to say, but was sure it was definitely too much to say out loud so soon.

"It makes me happy that it's so easy, it just seems like it works. I was thinking about how it's never been like this before. I wasn't sad because of us, I was sad because up until now I'd never had it before, and it made me realize that it's something I could have never realized I actually needed."

"That's a lot to think about."

"It is, but thanks to you I think I finally have enough time to think what everything really means."

"Good or bad?" He looked genuinely worried, and she giggled shyly at him before reaching up to swipe a stray hair that escaped his well groomed do.

"Good."

* * *

"So if you don't mind my asking, why are you Oliver Queen's executive assistant when your career is in IT?"

Felicity honestly wasn't surprised that he had just come out with the question. It was how it normally worked. There was no small talk, no easing into things. They simply started talking, about anything and everything. Childhood adventures, teenage mistakes, college shenanigans, future plans, absolutely everything.

She appraised him for a quick second, before deciding to tell him the truth. At least enough of it so that she wasn't a liar, but omitted the stuff she knew he could never know.

"Before Oliver took over Queen Consolidated he ran the night club Verdant, when he needed someone to help him through some of the more difficult technological aspects they sent him to me. I guess it just kind of stuck that whenever he needed an IT expert, I was his go-to person. After he became CEO he needed an assistant. So I became his Girl Wednesday."

William gave her a humorous look before chuckling, his nose wrinkling in that attractive way of his whenever he found something funny. "Isn't it supposed to be Girl Friday?"

"Apparently Oliver Queen needed one Wednesday."

He shook his head and kept laughing appreciatively, his shoulders shaking slightly. She grinned at him and felt herself relax just a little, not having realized before just how tense she got whenever he asked questions that involved her nightlife.

"Are you happy there?" His question was innocent enough, but suddenly she felt tired as she thought about how best to answer him. She knew the exhaustion wasn't from him, but rather the slew of emotional ups and downs she had experienced over the last couple months when it came to Oliver Queen.

She held up a finger as she spooned some of the soup in front of her into her mouth, taking the her time as she tasted the broth and let the small bits of carrot. She thought about how best to answer him, because in all reality… no she wasn't happy. At least not there, but unhappy wasn't exactly the right term either.

"It's hard to explain." She declared finally. He opened his mouth to say something but she shook her head and held up her hand, silently telling him that he would still get his answer. "I'm there because I'm needed, because Oliver is a good friend and I can't leave him to the corporate wolves just yet. Especially not after he just got the company back. For a second there we were afraid we'd lose the board to Ray Palmer, a corporate tycoon that wanted the company. I'll be there as long as it's the right thing to do and the right place to be. But I plan on going back to IT as soon as possible. Maybe not in the same company… who knows, maybe I'll start my own IT company." The last bit surprised her, mostly because it was a dream of hers from long ago. One she had almost completely forgotten about, and one that surprised her to realize she still wanted.

"Smoak Enterprises, has a nice ring to it."

She looked up from her spoon, having preferred to look at it instead of him. Sometimes the openness in his eyes was a bit too much for her. She simply wasn't used to it.

But she looked up now, and felt her heart give a little swell as realized that he never did judge. If he wanted to know, it was simply because he wanted to know _her _better.

Unfortunately a phone rang out at that moment, and she blinked and realized that the moment was quickly lost. Even after all this time, she still found it hard to stay in moments like these long. She was used to being kept at bay, only let in occasionally, and then quickly showed the way out.

Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he pulled his phone out. He'd never done that before, but then again his phone had never used that particular ring alert either. The frown that decorated his features was also new, and she saw the worry that lit up his eyes.

"It's okay," she said, reaching across the table to give his fingers a firm squeeze. "You can go if you need to." Felicity wasn't sure why she said that, nothing he had done in the short three seconds since looking at his phone implied that he needed to leave, but she felt it was the right thing to say.

"It's my mom… I'm sorry I really don't want to leave, but I have to go."

"It's okay," she repeated, smiling sadly at him. Whatever it was clearly had him worried enough to leave, and the thought of even holding such a thing against him seemed repugnant to him. Family should always come first, and she was sure that if she had any real family left she would do so as well.

He leaned over the table and gave her a quick kiss. Her breath caught in her throat, much like it did every time he kissed her. It was just one more thing she hadn't gotten used to, but that she liked more than she could ever admit.

The warmth of where his lips had pressed against hers tingled slightly as she watched him leave quickly, but not before stopping by the hostess and whisper something in her ear. Her phone rang from somewhere inside her purse and she looked down to pull it out. By the time she looked up again he was gone.

Not feeling particularly hungry anymore twirled her spoon around in the broth slowly. The food here was ridiculously expensive, and she was determined to eat all of it if only to make the trip worthwhile.

"Is this seat taken?"

Her heart gave a painful little squeeze as she recognized the voice. She tore her gaze away from her soup and looked up to see Oliver standing behind the chair that William had vacated not ten minutes ago.

Not for the first time she wondered if he picked out his own suits or if someone else did his shopping for him. Each one seemed to fit him perfectly and was the epitome of sophistication and class. Oliver carefully shopping for suits just didn't match her perception of him, and she found it comical to even entertain the vision of him doing so.

As it was she didn't let the amusement she felt with the thought show. Her mouth set into a thin line she nodded. Oliver took the seat without hesitation, and flagged down a waiter.

"How did you know I was here? Better yet, how did you just get in like nothing. I'm pretty sure William made these reservations three weeks ago."

Oliver said nothing, and instead raised an eyebrow at her.

"Right, you're Mr. Oliver _Queen_."

"It has its advantages some times." His tone didn't imply any sort of smugness, and she took it for what it meant. He wasn't showing off or even trying to, it was simply a fact. His last name opened doors for him that would normally not open for just anyone.

"And the disadvantages?" Felicity's voice was quiet, certain that her question would receive an incredibly vague answer that would simultaneously respond to her unspoken one. The past couple of months had changed the dynamic between them. The shaky but easy friendship that they had established over the course of two years was nearly inexistent. Aside from her helping him as his assistant and as the nighttime tech expert, they rarely exchanged words.

Felicity had to constantly remind herself that this was what she had wanted. She hand wanted distance, the lines to be drawn clearly. Sometimes, before she had decided to on the distance, unspoken maybes had hung between them, and they were simply something she couldn't take anymore.

So when Oliver opened his mouth and answered her, it was not what she was expecting at all.

"Being in the public eye, the lack of privacy when it comes to certain things I'd rather keep to just friends and family. That was maybe the hardest thing growing up. I couldn't do anything, especially not mistakes, without the entirety of Starling City knowing about it."

His eyes were clouded as he seemed to remember what his life had been like prior to Lian Yu. She frowned at him, his honest reply confusing her. This wasn't what it was supposed to be like. She had worked hard to make sure to put distance between them, so what was he doing now?

"Oliver, how did you know I was here?" She repeated the question he had ignored.

"I always know where you are." That got her. She blanched at his words, and leaned back in her seat, her arms crossed firmly over her chest as her jaw clenched and unclenched.

"That's an invasion of privacy."

He merely shrugged, and didn't even have the decency to look apologetic.

"I feel better when I know where you are."

"And do you know where Diggle is all the time?"

He looked her dead in the eye, his vibrant blue eyes - the same color of her dress she realized - piercing.

"No."

She took a deep breath, her shoulders shaking with the emotion Felicity was hiding so hard suppress. _What are you doing Oliver? _She couldn't handle it again. She refused to let herself be let in, only to be pushed away as soon as she got too deep, she doubted her heart could handle it.

So she went with the only thing she could do. Get answers to her questions. Somehow she felt that this, their faux shared dinner, would change everything again. "Why are you here Oliver?"

He frowned at her then, his head doing that cute tilting to the side thing it did whenever he regarded her.

Again, his answer was not one she was prepared to hear. "I came to see you."

Her mouth fell open and her eyebrows rose, she was sure the expression looked comical, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"We've been… distant for a while now. I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

He took a deep breath, biting his bottom lip and then letting it go as he blew the air out. "About us."

She smiled at him, but the smile was a sad one, because she already knew she wouldn't like the outcome of this conversation.

"There is no 'us' Oliver."

It was his turn to smile at her, but his seemed just a tad bit amused, and she couldn't help the gasp that left her as he answered her. "There's always been an 'us' Felicity. Just not the type of us we bot wanted." The implication of what he was really saying wasn't lost on her.

"Oliver… I don't want hear this."

"I know…"

"Then why?" She pleaded. The uncertainty was starting to wear away at her much more quickly than she thought it would.

"Because I need to say it."

"No." Her voice took on the strength she needed it to, and suddenly she was glad for everything he had done to push her away. It made what she was about to say that much easier.

"Felicity…" his voice was pleading, the look in his eyes one of desperation as he leaned across the table. His hand reached for hers, but she snatched it away, holding it tightly against her chest.

"I can't do this anymore Oliver, I can't."

"Do what Felicity?" He demanded, his jaw tight as he fixed her with an expression that confused her and scarred her and gave her hope all at the same time.

"They maybes Oliver. I know what you're going to say, because I've wanted you to say it for so long, but that's not for you to say. Not anymore."

"Why, because of William?"

"No Oliver!" She practically screamed, and the silence that followed was nearly deafening. Nearly everyone in the restaurant was looking at them now, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"Then why?"

Her breath came in short angry bursts before she was finally able to say something. "Because of me. Because I don't want to do this with you. Because I can't do this with you. I deserve better. It's taken me a long time to realize it, but I can't go back now. I want someone who will let me in, who won't question whether they're doing the right thing every moment they're with me. I need _normal._"

Tears began to fall down her cheeks, unbidden and unrestrained, and as much as she knew she needed this, she hated the hurt he saw flash across his face.

"Normal…" he spoke the word as if it was alien to him, his voice cracked just a little at the end.

"I'm sorry," she whispered finally. She reached down and snatched her purse from where it hung from her chair.

Her heart screamed at her as she began to walk away as fast as she could. _Why? Why was she walking away when this was what she had wanted for so long? _Because she did. She wanted it all, she wanted him, she wanted the foundry, she wanted her team. But how long would it be before it all came crashing down? Before something happened that had Oliver deciding that it was just too dangerous, and that she would be better off not being with him. It was one of his super powers after all, shouldering everything. He wouldn't ask her what she wanted, what she thought was best for her, he would simply make the decision for her.

She wanted it all, but at the same time, she didn't want it at all.

* * *

Her doorbell rang for the second time that night, and when she opened it she wasn't sure who she thought she would see.

"Hey."

William stood there, his eyes red and his hair a mess on top of his head, as if he had been running his fingers through it over and over until it no longer was the stylish do he normally kept it in.

"Hey," she responded, opening the door wide for him.

"It's my mom," he said again, but this time the words had a different meaning.

"It'll be okay." It was all she could say, and she hoped that the words would communicate everything she was hoping they would. That she would be there for him, she would support him no matter what, because even though she knew she loved Oliver, there was a part of her heart that cared deeply for William, too. Maybe not love just yet, but she knew it could be.

She led him to her room, and simply held him as he rested his head against her stomach. Soon sleep took them both, and when they woke up in the morning they made love for the first time. It was slow and sweet, and while she didn't see fireworks like she thought she would, she felt her heart swell with emotion as they came together.

This was where she needed to be.

* * *

**AN: I have updated chapter two to fix the current format of the story. I have also decided to split the story into two main parts as well as give each chapter a name. The first part is called: Felicity Smoak, the second part will be revealed in due time. **

**Thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter.**

**Reviews are deeply appreciated and craved darlings.**


	6. Prologue: Fool

**VI.**

**Oliver**

He had waited too long.

For months he had stared at the text from Thea. He knew she was right. Somehow, without needing to know exactly what was going on, she had known exactly what he needed to do. Thea had already told him many times before that he needed to let someone in, but it was easier said than done.

And then Felicity had come into his life and changed everything.

It had happened slow at first, so slow in fact that he hadn't even realized it. Looking back he knew he should have. The way touching her came so easily, his hand at her elbow, pressed against her lower back, or wrapped around hers at important events. How simple it was to be around her, to trust her when no one else could be trusted.

There was reason behind the saying "hindsight is twenty twenty," and Oliver was discovering once again why it always seemed to ring true in his life.

He wanted desperately to hate William Welch. Not because the man wasn't good enough for Felicity (and until recently he had doubted anyone ever would), but because Oliver feared that he could be.

It wasn't like she hadn't dated before. Even when he himself didn't know exactly why, he had always kept tabs on the men in her life. Diggle was his unknowing accomplice, mostly because the other man always seemed to let it slip that Felicity was dating someone. He knew Diggle and Felicity were close, so much so that Oliver was sure he had missed most of how it had happened, and apparently were close enough that Felicity told Diggle all the details of her life that she failed to mention to Oliver. Again, looking back Oliver realized that the protectiveness he had felt - running background and credit checks on anyone who so much as breathed in her direction - had been due to some form of jealousy.

And then, a little over a month after they had tracked him down on Lian Yu, there was no one to speak of. He told himself the relief he felt was for their secret, because anyone who got close to Felicity got close their team by default. He was a good liar, and could even lie to himself.

These thoughts plagued him as he did his usual rounds through the Glades. Occasionally he would patrol the rest of the city, but even at the rate at which the Glades were improving they still demanded most of his attention.

He reached for the comm link, meaning to click it and ask Felicity if anything had popped up on the police scanners. But when Diggle's voice answered him he felt confused for just the slightest of moments. So used to always hearing her soft trill was he that the sound Diggle's deep rumble nearly startled him. Oliver knew he should have expected something like this to happen. Felicity rarely spoke to him these days, only doing so when work was involved. She always beat him to the foundry - he was pretty certain she worked straight through her lunch hour every day so she could leave early - and had everything set up by the time he managed to get there. And then she would leave, promising Diggle that the system was set up and ready for him to take over.

"It doesn't look like anything's going to happen tonight Oliver. Why don't you come back and call it a quits."

He knew Diggle was right. The streets were calm tonight, as they had been every night the past three weeks. As a result he felt useless, the lack of action only adding to the uneasiness he felt. Felicity still hadn't managed to find anything on the coin he had given her all those months ago, which was unusual to say the least, but in light of everything that had happened recently he spared very little thought to it.

Oliver grunted his response and turned off the comm link as Diggle stated that he would be headed home. Oliver would probably spend the night at the foundry. It felt strange to go back to Queen Manor, the large estate desolate without Thea or his mother there. Even though it was comparable to a cave, the foundry seemed like a much better option in comparison.

Verdant was still in full swing as he got back, the booming bass of whatever over-played pop song everyone inside was currently dancing to causing the air to vibrate. It was easy for him to slip inside through the back door. No one ever went back there. It was after all still the Glades, and no one in their right mind would willingly go to the back ally of a club.

Then again Oliver seemed to question on a daily basis whether or not he really was in his right mind. Most would argue that no, he was in fact not.

He had expected the foundry to be empty when he got there, so it was no surprise when instantly his hand reached for an arrow and nocked it the moment the sound of soft grunts and huffs reached his ears. But just as quickly as he sensed danger he dismissed it. The sharp clang of metal striking metal was obviously the sound of someone using the salmon ladder. No one who was a danger to him would use something so loud if they were hoping to surprise him.

"Sara?"

The sight of the blond woman hanging from the bar as he walked in was one that he hadn't thought he'd see for a while. She grinned brightly at him, letting the metal rod in her hands go as she fell and landed gracefully on her feet.

"Well don't look so surprised Ollie, I haven't been gone that long."

His answering smile came naturally, much like it did whenever he was around Felicity, but for different reasons. Sara understood him because she had been in his shoes. Felicity understood him simply because of who she was.

"I'm just glad to see you." He said, clicking the small button on his bow that caused it to retract in on itself until it was no bigger than a decent sized wallet. Sara walked over and reached up to pull his hood down, resting her hands on his shoulders in that familiar way of hers. It felt nice, and he reached up to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear.

She stiffened as he did so, the wary look in her eyes one he had no trouble understanding right away. He shook his head, just the smallest turn of his neck, and saw the wariness disappear. It was understood between the two of them that whatever it was they had together was over. They were simply too much alike, too jaded between the two of them for it to ever work.

Sara took a step back and pulled her hair up into a messy bun, producing a simple black hair tie from somewhere - he never really understood where she always got them from - and appraised him for long minute.

"Something's different about you." She finally decided, and he had to fight the quirk of his lips that threatened him.

"How so?" he asked, moving past her to begin taking off his leathers. Nowadays he couldn't stand to be in them longer than absolutely necessary.

"I don't know, I was hoping you might be able to tell me."

Oliver stiffened for a second, pausing as he put the hood back in its case and his bow in the silver metal box Felicity had bought for him to keep it in. He wanted to tell her why, and a part of him knew that she could probably offer him some sort of advice or insight that he wouldn't be able to come up with on his own. But another part of him wanted him to say nothing. If Oliver was being honest, the bitter sting of Felicity's rejection still ached, and it wasn't something he was eager to dredge up to analyze right this moment.

In the end practicality won out.

He waved a hand at the metal table they usually used for medical emergencies, motioning for her to sit on it. Sara nodded and moved towards it. He sat in Felicity's chair, the setting too low for him to sit comfortably, but experience had taught both him - and one very unfortunate Roy - not to mess with it.

Sara pursed her lips, but he could tell it was an attempt to hide the smile she was fighting. There was something about Oliver sitting by those computers, his long legs stretched out in front of him in a too-low seat, that she found comical. But her amusement vanished as soon as he looked her dead in the eye.

He knew she understood instantly. Sometimes he wondered at his own luck, because it really was a strange thing. He was by no means lucky when it came to the hand he had been dealt with, but it was something that he simply decided not to question. There was no use in trying to understand why everything that had happened did, trying to do so would only drive him crazy. As difficult as his luck had been to accept at first, it had been even harder to accept the little breaks he caught in between all the darkness.

Diggle had been the first, because he finally had a comrade.

Sara, because she had come back twice, on the island and then again as Black Canary.

Laurel, who had taken to learning his secret with a grace and acceptance that he had not expected.

And Felicity, whose simple goodness and beauty still managed to stun him, even when he managed to pretend otherwise. Sometimes he wasn't sure if he fell for her sooner than even he was aware of, because it was one thing to not know exactly what you were feeling and entirely something else to know what you felt and fight desperately against it. Only recently had he decided to finally stop fighting, and what the results been? _"__Because I don__'__t want to do this with you. Because I _can't_ do this with you.__" _The words had hurt like no bullet, arrow, or knife ever could.

"It's Felicity isn't it?" Without realizing it he had lowered his gaze from Sara to stare at his hands where they were fisted on his lap. Now though, he looked up, his eyes widening with surprise.

"How-"

"I thought I saw something between you two before I left, but it was actually you who told me." His puzzled expression had her giggling in that girlish way of hers, the one that reminded him of the fun and carefree Sara, the one who was so drastically different from the Sara in front of him now. How they both had changed. "You can't just tell someone you love them the way you did, and expect me to not see through your little deception. I was curious when Felicity told me how you had 'out-foxed the fox' to put it in her words."

"So you got a hold of the video footage that Slade had?" He made sure to keep his expression carefully blank, but his nails scratched the leather of his right pants leg.

"Of course," she deadpanned, as if it were the only thing to be expected. He chuckled, grinning slightly before schooling his features.

"I told her that to fool Slade."

Her pitying look was so earnest he had to fight the urge to scowl at her. "I think you were fooling yourself Ollie."

"Is that so?" He ran his hand through his hair, the sudden urge to stop talking suddenly overtaking him. It was too late though, he knew there was no way Sara would simply let him stop now.

"I think you know that you care about her, and more than just as friends." He nodded at her. There was no way he couldn't admit to that, he was sure that even if he wasn't as good a liar as he was, the truth would still be written all over his face. "I just don't think you realized at the time how true your words actually were."

That on the other hand, did surprise him. He looked taken aback as Sara stood up from the table. She walked over to salmon ladder again and picked up a towel. "I also know that she's dating someone." She ran the towel over her face, soaking up the sweat that she had worked up during her workout. "I'm not even gone a full half a year and you've managed to let someone else take her right from under you." She shook her head disapprovingly at him, dirty-blonde strands falling free from her loose bun. "And here I thought you might finally be getting competent in such things."

That time he did scowl at her, not appreciating the reminder that Felicity had a new man in her life. One that was more than just "a friendly friend".

"I tried." He said, turning his back to her and staring at her bank computers.

"But how long did you wait before you did Ollie. Felicity's my friend, so I know when I tell you that someone like her isn't going to stay alone forever. I think she would have waited for you, given you more time, because I saw just how much she cared about you."

"So what made her stop?" He hated the sting in his eyes and the way his voice wavered. It showed weakness when he couldn't afford to be weak.

"I just think the right person came along, the one that made her realize that even though she wanted to wait for you, she couldn't." Her hand came down on his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly, but he refused to look up at her.

"So what do I do now?"

She laughed softly at him and ran her knuckles soothingly over the whiskers on right cheek.

"The Oliver Queen I know wouldn't just give up. Do what any man would do when the woman he loves is slipping away?"

There was that word. Love. He couldn't even deny it at this point. There was no point, because if he did, it would only be a lie.

"And what is that?"

"You fight for her Oliver."

He listened to the sound of her retreating footsteps with his eyes closed. Could he really fight for her like that? She had said she wanted normal, and normal was something he could never be, so how fair was it of him to deny her that? It was selfish, and stupid, and he knew that he would always wonder if he was doing the right thing.

Almost as if she had sensed where his thoughts would take him Sara spoke one more time before she left.

"She needs you too Ollie, just like you need her. We're not our masks and we need people in our lives who don't wear one."

**Felicity**

Five days, that's how long it took her to notice that something was up.

At first, after she had denied him in the restaurant, he had respected what she wanted. It seemed that "distance" was the word to describe her relationship with Oliver. She didn't speak to him more than was absolutely required. She even had a letter of resignation as his executive assistant typed up and folded in an envelope in her desk, just waiting for her to muster the courage she needed to slam it down in front of him and declare that she was quitting.

Her resolve was weakening. She had felt her carefully built wall begin to crack just a little the first time they saw each other after that disastrous dinner. She had seen the hurt flash in his eyes, all the much clearer because of how expressive they could be whenever he let them be. It was silly of course, but at the same time she felt like she had betrayed him by sleeping with William. Felicity knew it shouldn't be, but the nagging and dirty feeling was there, and she couldn't help but be slightly angry with Oliver for making it so hard to move on. Or maybe she should have been angry at herself, and more specifically her heart which couldn't seem to understand that she wanted to move past Oliver.

Something had changed though, and it had taken her an uncharacteristic amount of time to catch on. Wasn't she supposed to be the genius or something?

Before that fateful night, she had felt Oliver slipping away as he slowly retreated in on himself. She knew that she had kept him at bay, too. But the wall had been his creation originally, she had only added to it by refusing him entrance when he wouldn't grant her the same.

The first sign that something was wrong (or was it just different?) came when he smiled at her when she walked in to their offices at QC. Her feet skidded to a stop and she gave him a look of such surprise that his smile grew even wider.

"I have something for you to do Felicity, I was hoping you could get it done by lunch." He handed her the small folder in his hands. She took it warily, all the while keeping an eye on him as if waiting for him to pounce. He laughed that soft breathy laugh of his, the one that usually had her heart swooning.

She mentally kicked herself as she realized that it still did. The folder's workload was a light one, and considering she made it early to the office, having it done by lunch would be easy. "Sure." He nodded at her, his gaze lingering on her face for a long second, and then got up from his leaning position on her desk. Felicity got to work, but couldn't help but throw him confused glances every now and then. She could have sworn that first time he caught her, his eyes sparkled mischievously. _That _was definitely new.

He started eating lunch with her. Oliver must have thought everything out, including the possibility that she would simply refuse to go if he suggested they go somewhere, so instead he ordered food from her favorite Thai place and had it brought in. He reached over and turned off the monitor to her computer - raising his hands protectively in front of him and giving her a pleading look that was so uncharacteristic that she felt her anger slip away quickly. Taking a seat he began to unwrap their food, handing her a plate of her favorite delicacies. He didn't say anything, just tucked away all her papers into a neat pile and began to eat. Felicity took a couple tentative bites, before finally letting herself dig in. After all, the food was too good to resist. She used the foods deliciousness as an excuse not to feel guilty, and did so the next day when he repeated the gesture… and the next.

The strictly hands-off approach he had been taking with her recently seemed to fly out the window as well. In fact, he seemed to take each and every opportunity he could to initiate physical contact. His hands were constantly on her, either placed gently over her elbow as they walked together or pressed firmly against her lower back. At first the touch startled her, mostly because as familiar it was it was still unexpected. He didn't look down at her questioning gaze, but he didn't remove his hand either. Sometimes, when they were riding the elevator down on their way to the conference room or to some other work related destination, she could have sworn he stood closer than he usually did. Once, he even reached up tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She couldn't deny that she leaned into his touch just a little.

Stupid, traitorous heart. Again, wasn't she supposed to be the smart one?

"What did you say to him?"

Sara didn't even bat an eyelash as Felicity stormed into the foundry, arms swinging back and forth wildly as she stalked over to the other blonde.

"Hello to you, too Felicity." Felicity glared at her and a part of her realized how ridiculous she must have looked doing so. Felicity taking Sara on probably seemed like a small kitten attempting to take on a tall and powerful lioness.

"Don't try to distract me, because trust me I've had enough of distractions lately. I know you had something to do with this. Oliver's never so… touchy touchy. Not to say that you make him like that, because you're both strong and serious. I mean, I know you're capable of having fun, or at least you are. I don't think Oliver actually does fun anymore. Unless it's the kind that involves a bedroom. Oh frack I'm doing it again…"

Sara giggled and reached out, settling her hand on top of Felicity's and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "What are you talking about?" Sara asked her calmly, and for a second Felicity felt slightly guilty for accusing her, before she quickly remembered that she had very plausible reasons for assuming that Sara had something to do Oliver's new behavior.

"Oliver's been… strangely _close_ lately. I know it's not normally something that I would complain about, and maybe a few months ago I wouldn't. But right now it's just confusing, and I feel guilty because I like having him this close, and I shouldn't because I'm with Will, and I… I just don't know."

She stared into Sara's eyes for a second, surprised by how open they were. As jaded as Sara could be, Felicity still felt that she let herself care more, get involved more. Whereas Oliver had pushed people away for the longest time, it seemed to Felicity that Sara (for whatever reason) had decide to take a different approach.

"I can't say anything to you, because it's not my place."

Felicity opened her mouth to argue, but Sara raised a hand to quiet her, fixing her with a hard stare that had Felicity backpedaling into silence. "All I can say is that people make mistakes," and then she grinned. "Even us deadly assassin vigilantes. We get scared for the people we care about, and we don't always make the right decisions. Sometimes it takes a while, but then we realize that maybe we didn't do the right thing. I think maybe Oliver might be coming to the same conclusion."

"_Because of the life I lead, I just think it__'__s best that I not be with somebody__… __I could really care about.__"_

"Oliver can only get as close as you let him Felicity. If he's really getting as close as you say he is, maybe there's a reason for it."

Felicity blanched, her jaw falling open as the color drained from her face.

"But-"

"Hey, I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, I'm just saying that there's a reason behind everything, and there's a reason for why we do the things we do, even if they're not always clear to us. Think about it. I know you think he's hurt you, and you're right he has. But maybe you should think about how he's hurting himself, too."

Felicity shook her head, as if by simply denying what Sara was saying she could make it less true. But Felicity was no idiot, and even as she desperately wanted to tell Sara that she was wrong, she knew that she couldn't.

And so against her better judgement, all the while feeling like a traitor of the greatest proportions, she didn't push Oliver away. After all, she didn't think that she could do it again. The first time had been hard enough.

She got away with it for two more months before reality hit her.

"Felicity, do you want to take a break?"

Felicity looked up from her tablet where she was working on setting up a program from the foundry remotely.

It had been another lazy day in her apartment. The kind of lazy that she liked, filled only with her and William and soft pajamas and pancakes and The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad on Netflix.

Felicity's brows furrowed in confusion. "From the show? But it's just getting to the good part." She tried to catch his eye, but he was refusing to look at her. He was perched on the other side of the couch, sitting cross legged with her feet on his lap. Will had been massaging each of her feet gently since he knew how much the heels she had worn to the important charity event last night bugged her. She had asked him if he wanted to come, but the look of uncertainty that had crossed his face had confused her more than his no and vague explanation. He'd never given her a vague reason.

"I meant from us." His voice was barely above a whisper, but he might as well have shouted them at her. They left Felicity feeling strangely disoriented.

"Why would you think that?" Her throat suddenly felt dry, and she unconsciously licked her lips. She set the tablet down on her coffee table and pulled her feet towards her, unsure if letting him still massage them was a good idea given their current discussion.

She watched the muscles of his neck move as he swallowed thickly, before looking up at her. His eyes were as expressive as ever, and she could clearly see how much he didn't want to continue. But because he was Will, the good one, the unselfish one, she knew what he said next was because he felt that had to. What she appreciated most - perhaps more than he would ever know - was that he gave her a choice.

"I've seen the way you and Oliver are with each other. I haven't known you that long Felicity, but even I can see that there's _something _there." He pauses for a moment, gauging her reaction before continuing. That time his voice was a little husky, and the tone made her heart ache and her eyes sting with unshed tears. "I think I'm falling in love with you Felicity, but I need to know that you're one hundred percent sure that we can do this together."

Her breath came in short shallow gasps, her nails digging painfully into the skin of her wrist. It wasn't the same as saying "I love you", but it was more than she had ever gotten from Oliver - because that time with Slade definitely did _not _count - and she knew she was being stupid. Unsafe, stupid, and she would probably regret letting Will go. Even if they ever did get back together (because a part of her thought she loved him, too) she could never blame him for thinking that she could leave him for Oliver. After all, wasn't she about to do something so much like that? While she didn't know where her road with Oliver would take her, she could feel it coming. Another change. Something was about to happen that would change her life again.

She was a coward and she knew it, but she simply nodded. Sara's words rang loudly in her head, as if the other woman was screaming them through a megaphone next to her ear. _"__Oliver can only get as close as you let him Felicity. If he__'__s really getting as close as you say he is, maybe there__'__s a reason for it.__"_Maybe she hadn't done anything physically, but if she couldn't put her all into William, wasn't she cheating on him in some way? For once, she thought maybe he deserved better than her.

He answered her with a nod of his own and reached across the couch, cupping her cheek with his hand. She leant into it, the warmth already feeling familiar and safe and right. "I wish I didn't have to do this." He whispered.

She closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the moment, because she truly did not know if she would ever be able to have this again.

"Just one more day." One more day, before she went against everything she had decided on in the last couple months. Her only hope was that Sara was right. Maybe Oliver was finally making the right decision. Not changing exactly - because she never wanted him to change - but perhaps learning that there were other choices, much like he had learned that killing wasn't the only way to be the Arrow.

"One more day," William responded, and leaned in to kiss her.

She spent the day wrapped in his arms, feeling stupid for letting him go, but a hopeful feeling that she hadn't let herself feel in the longest time began to bloom in her chest.

**Oliver**

Oliver had never been one for religion, or even spirituality for that matter. Before the island he had worshipped a gorgeous woman's body every Sunday - most days as a matter of fact - and the clubs were his church. After the island just the idea of religion seemed laughable to him.

Even with all of that in mind, he felt like he could go pray for hours and shout hallelujah when he found out that Felicity and Will had decided to take a break. If he was being honest he hadn't been playing fair. He had used every resource possible to demand as much of Felicity's time and attention as possible, and it had worked. It had been obvious that she had been confused at first, especially the first time he had brought her lunch. His sudden decision to allow himself to get closer to her must have been disorienting to her, but to him it had been like finally being allowed to run freely after being chained down for so long.

He knew that in part he had Sara to thank for that. He knew he cared deeply for Felicity, but it was so much more than that now. She had let him hope for something he had thought he was no longer allowed to have.

Diggle's expression was carefully blank as he told Oliver (as smoothly and nonchalantly as possible of course), but there was a knowing sparkle in his eye that had Oliver rolling his eyes internally. Sometimes he got the feeling Diggle did or said things just make fun of Oliver and to see his reaction. He would pay for it later during their sparring sessions.

"What's with the smile?" Roy's voice interrupted his thoughts. Oliver looked up from his desk where he was carefully maintaining his arrows and bow. Roy arched an eye at him, his expression expectant as he waited for Oliver to say something.

He decided to play dumb.

"Do I have to have a reason? I'm having a good day."

Roy looked a bit taken aback at his response, his brow furrowing as he gave Oliver a look of such distrust that it had the other man laughing.

Felicity walked in at that moment, frowning as she took in the atmosphere between Oliver and Roy. "What's going on here?" She asked, walking past them to set her purse down by the computers.

"Oliver's happy," Roy volunteered.

"Oh I'm sure you're just misinterpreting," Felicity assured him, pursing her lips to suppress a smile as she began to rummage through her purse in search of a hair band.

"Ouch, that's a little harsh guys," Oliver feigned offense, but his smile got a little wider.

"Sorry," Felicity apologized, giving Oliver a look that clearly stated just how not sorry she actually was.

"Any news on the coin?" Felicity visibly tensed at his question, and he could have sworn he saw her hand twitch towards her purse.

"No," she said, and her voice wavered just a little. Oliver frowned as he regarded Felicity. Her behavior was strange, but he figured it must have been her frustration at not being able to find anything. Felicity didn't take it particularly well whenever her computers failed to find her information.

"Hey, it's okay." His hand came up without him really needing to think about it. It felt natural to place his hand on her shoulder, and after months of having to hold back, it felt right.

She turned her head towards him, fixing him with an expression that was so close to pouting that he found it hard not grin at her. "Thanks," she said, placing her hand over his and squeezing his fingers. It was the first time she had returned his small acts of contact. The heavy feeling in his chest was the good kind.

She returned her attention to her computers and sat down, her face scrunching up in concentration as her fingers began to fly across the keyboards, jumping from one to the other as if were the simplest thing.

"Something the matter?" Roy pipped up from behind them, and Oliver was glad for the interruption. His fingers were still tingling from where she had touched him.

"Yeah, I'm not quite sure what it is yet though."

"What do you mean?" Oliver asked, bending over to look at the screens. When he had first started being the vigilante he had been a little proud of the system he had managed to set up, it was good enough that he could do most of the things he needed to in order to complete his mission. Now however he was hopelessly lost as he tried to understand what was happening on the screens in front of him. He was fairly certain that only Felicity (or some other equally genius tech expert) would ever fully understand everything that she had done to and with them.

"I'm finding traces of activity that I don't remember making," She was biting her lip now, and Oliver felt the strange desire to reach over and tuck it away. He clenched his hands into tight fists to keep them from doing anything that would most certainly get him in trouble.

"Does that mean someone hacked our system?"

"If they did they're extremely good, I upped the security since the Clock King, they'd need something that's the equivalent to the cyber skeleton key he was using." They were leaning into each other, their faces only inches a part.

"Is it possible someone got their hands on it?" Roy intervened, and both Oliver and Felicity turned to look at him, almost having forgotten he was there. Oliver could have sworn he saw Felicity's cheeks redden a little.

"Not necessarily the same one, but it's possible someone managed to replicate the technology that was used in it to make a new one, I'm running scans to see exactly how and when it was used. If if I can find it than I can probably find them."

"What makes you so sure?"

At this Felicity raised an eyebrow at him, the look she gave him one of such disbelief and offense that Oliver wasn't sure whether Roy would live to hear the answer or not.

"They may have gotten into the system but they left it mostly untouched, if they hacked me I can hack them back."

"Cool," Roy grinned at her. Oliver was pretty sure that younger man had saved his skin with that one word.

Felicity turned back around and continued to work, effectively tuning him and Roy out as she lost herself to the cyber world again. "Roy suit up, we're going on patrol." At this Roy nodded, looking just as eager as he always did whenever he got to wear his new suit.

"Oliver! I've got a location!" Felicity's voice alerted him and he pulled to a stop.

"Where?" he asked, revving the engine of the motorcycle as he prepared to take off again.

"565 West Victoria Avenue."

"Got it!" The street was familiar to Oliver, though it was on the quieter more abandoned side of the Glades, one he rarely visited simply because there was nothing there for people to do. He heard her give the same directions to Roy, who was several miles away.

The streets raced by Oliver in a blur of lights and shadows. Knowing that Felicity's system had been hacked had him anxious to get the situation over with.

A warehouse came into view - one he knew to be the one he was looking for - but he passed by it, choosing to park the bike a block away. He observed it for a couple minutes, his mind instantly looking for every exit he could find. Even after all this time, he felt the same tenseness in his muscles that he got on the island. Only they meant something else now. Before it had meant fear, the reaction of a scared rich kid who was way in over his head. Now it was the tensing of muscles in a trained and precise killer. He heard the sound of Roy's motorcycle long before it actually came into view. He parked near Oliver, obviously having spotted it and scaled the side of a nearby building.

Oliver caught his eye once he reached the top.

"Stay outside and cover the building. If someone that's not me tries to escape take them down." Roy raised his hand and gave his signal of understanding. Oliver watched as his partner removed and arrow from his quiver and prepared it against his bow, he had grown to trust Roy and his skills.

Oliver used darkness to help conceal him as he approached the side entrance to the warehouse. The door - if it could even be called that - was heavily rusted. Holes littered its surface, including the spot where the door handle must have once been. Oliver pushed it aside gently, gritting his teeth at the inevitable screech that filled the darkened space. He ducked in quickly, readying an arrow as he did so and waited for his eyes to adjust to the light.

He knew Felicity was holding her breath on the other end of their link, waiting anxiously but refusing to make any sound. It was silly, since the comm links wouldn't make a sound that anyone but Oliver and Roy could hear, but he thought it rather endearing that she did so anyway. His eyes soon adjusted to the much lower setting and he managed to spot a figure standing in the center of the room, leaning against a support beam that looked like it had seen much better days.

"I know you're there." A female voice announced, and he pulled back slightly on the arrow.

"Who are you?" His demand came loud and clear, without the distortion of his voice disguiser. He doubted whoever she was, she would know who he was from his voice.

She ignored his question and kicked off from the beam, taking a couple steps towards him as if he weren't holding an arrow aimed at her chest. The woman didn't wear a mask, and for a second he was stunned by how much she resemble Helena Bertinelli. So much so that for a second he dared to think that she was, before he remembered that Helena was till locked away in Iron Heights, and that if she had escaped Felicity would have known immediately. This woman had kinder eyes, but he knew that it could all be an act. Those who appeared kind were sometimes even deadlier than those who looked dangerous from the start. Her hair was shorter and lighter, too; a livelier light brown that framed her face in a bob cut.

Her mouth set into a tight line, disappointment lighting her features as she quickly looked around.

"She didn't come with you." She seemed almost like she was pouting. "I knew it was a long shot, but still I really did hope that you would make my job so much easier."

"Who are you looking for?" He deadpanned, his steady voice managing to hide the anger he felt.

"The woman who helps you." She stated, as if it were completely obvious.

Could she mean Sara? What could she want with her?

"The Black Canary?"

The woman's face lit up with amusement. "You mean the League of Assassin's member? No, fortunately for you she's not the one I'm looking for. If I was, these would be entirely different circumstances."

Terror gripped his heart as his thoughts instantly flew to Felicity. _Not her_, he pleaded internally.

"Then who?" His voice was no longer calm, and he drew the arrow back fully, aiming it at her heart this time.

"We have a name for her. We call her… Watchtower."


	7. Prologue: Watchtower

**VII.**

Oliver's mind instantly drew up a blank. He had never heard of someone with the alias Watchtower and his fear for Felicity somewhat calmed. There was simply no way they could be looking for her. He responded to the woman by shaking his head slowly, but didn't withdraw his arrow. Oliver wasn't about to lower his defenses when he still needed answers.

"She wouldn't recognize the name," she elaborated. "I guess it's more fair to say that I'm here under 'Project Watchtower', it seemed kind of fitting to give her that name as well." The shrug that she then made was strangely childish and out of place given the situation.

"Who is it exactly that you're looking for?" Oliver demanded, feeling his patience with the brunette running thin, while she seemed to be in no rush.

She clicked her tongue at him, making him grit his teeth at the chastising tone she adopted. "You don't really think I'm just going to answer everything you ask me do you? That whole: revealing your big plans thing is so overdone and quite frankly, a little stupid."

"Then I'll just have to take you down." He growled out slowly.

She smirked at him, the expression strange on her lovely face. "I'm not someone you could 'take down' Oliver Queen. Put your toys away."

Her casual use of his name is what did it.

Anger seized Oliver, and before he could fully register what he was doing, he had let the arrow fly. The woman reacted with a speed that disoriented him for just the briefest of moments. She squatted down instantly, her right leg extending to her side to balance herself. Her hands went to her back and drew two mid-sized, diamond shaped daggers from inside a pouch strapped to her belt. She threw them at him, the dark metal of the daggers making them almost invisible as they flew through the air. He managed dodge them - but only just barely - and still felt the biting sting as one managed to cut his cheek.

Oliver spun around, reaching for another arrow as he did. He was too late though. The woman had already sprinted towards him, two more daggers already clutched tightly in her fists, the ends of the handles rounded and wrapped around her index fingers like rings, the blades pointed away from her thumbs and away from her body. She slashed at him, the move fast and calculated. He stepped back, trying to put distance between them, but he quickly found that it wouldn't work. For every step he took back she pushed forward, all the while throwing quick and deadly jabs and slashes with her daggers. It took every ounce of skill he had to dodge them, and even then he couldn't dodge them all. A bead of sweat flew from his face as he leaned back, the blade in her right hand slicing right through the air where his nose had been not a second before.

Every time she got him - his forearm, shoulder, torso; leaving deep cuts that flowed with blood - he could feel a burning erupt from the wounds. He felt tired when the adrenaline should have invigorated him, his muscles already crying in protest with every subsequent move he made to evade her.

Oliver made the first real mistake.

He lashed out with his bow, using the metal of the upper limb as a makeshift baton. She seemed to have been expecting this though, because she spun the dagger in her right hand and stopped it as the thumb pressed against the handle. She threw an upward slash and sliced clean through the string of the bow.

Oliver dropped the bow quickly, now useless for long distance with the bowstring cut clean through. He raised his fists and attempted to use his longer reach to stop her attacks. He blocked by swatting at her wrists and forearms, batting her slashes away, and for a second it seemed to work. She took a step back and then another. He fought harder, now attempting to grab hold of her wrists and disarm her, growing bolder as the tables began to turn around. He could win this fight. He could make sure that she told him everything. He could make absolutely certain that this "Watchtower" wasn't Felicity.

She kicked him, and the blow was unexpectedly crippling as his right leg buckled out from under him. Oliver fell to the ground and landed on top his bow and his arrows fell out of his quiver, the sharp metallic heads clattering noisily against the concrete floor of the abandoned warehouse. His eyes widened in shock as he realized that he'd been defeated, his gaze focused on the woman who now stood above him. The position she was in left her every possible opening to kill him if she so decided. Oliver refused to close his eyes. The moment he did so it would be akin to giving up and accepting death, and Oliver wasn't about to give up.

"I told you I wasn't somebody you could beat." Her voice was low, calm, and betrayed no exhaustion from the fight she had just won. It angered him that she seemed to unfazed.

"_Oliver!__" _Felicity's voice screamed in his ear and he felt as if a weight had been dropped onto his chest, crushing it. For reasons that had nothing to do with his physical defeat, he found that he couldn't breathe. _"__Oliver get up!__" _Felicity pleaded him.

He had to get up. She was waiting for him, back at the foundry. He had to get up! _Get up!_

He tried, sweat breaking out on his forehead with the effort he exerted, but his leg was unresponsive. He could feel it, the uncomfortable edge of the bow he had dropped digging into his calf where he had landed on top of it, but every command, every movement he tried to make just didn't occur. It didn't make any sense, she hadn't done more than kick him. He wasn't even sure where on his leg the blow had landed, all he knew was that whatever she had done had rendered it useless.

"Don't bother getting up dear, I'll show myself out." She declared, putting her daggers away. He heard the sound of metal scraping against concrete as she collected the other two she had thrown at him earlier. Oliver twisted around, craning his neck to get a look at her. She reached the same door he had used to enter, then stopped for a second and raised her fingers to her ear, pressing against something there. A triumphant smile lit up her features and he was sure that he saw laughter dancing in her eyes as she looked at him.

"Looks like the red one still has a lot to learn." She remarked. "I'll see you around handsome."

* * *

"Oliver what happened?"

The sound of Felicity and Diggle demanding answers of him in unison made him lift an eyebrow at the two of them. It had taken a good ten minutes before his leg began to respond to him and even now - as he walked into the foundry supporting a half conscious Roy - it felt strangely limp, every movement he commanded it to do happening a second later than it should have.

"I was beaten." He bit out, gritting his teeth. If there was anything worse than the slight widening of Diggle's eyes as he tried and failed to contain his surprise, it was the look of utter concern that washed over Felicity. Not because she was concerned for him - because in all reality it made his heart feel just a little lighter - but because of the reason behind her concern. It was childish, and Oliver knew that if he so much as voiced his reasons he wouldn't hear the end of it tonight, but he felt insecure now. He really didn't like being bested in a fight.

Diggle walked over and took Roy from Oliver, who tried not to sigh in relief at the weight of his partner being taken off him. But comfort came in the form of Felicity who - in her usual fretting and somewhat endearing manner - ushered him over to the metallic table.

Unbidden the memory of that night all those months ago comes back to him, of her soft hand on his cheek as she thought he slept. An uncharacteristic feeling of warmth rose in his chest, and he had to bite his lip to keep from smiling. Oliver was silent as she worked on him, her hands shaking just a little over the numerous cuts he'd sustained. They were deep, but not too deep and soon Felicity managed to stop the flow of blood from many of them, but wrapped them up just the same as the ones that she couldn't. He tried not to think about it too much, it definitely wasn't the time or place, but suddenly he noticed that she was much gentler than she needed to be.

Diggle was by no means gentle when he helped Oliver clean up the many wounds he managed to obtain when out in the field, and he had learned never to ask Roy after one disastrous occasion that still had him wincing just a little at the memory. The boy should never be trusted with stitches, or needles for that matter.

Felicity's touch was warm and soft, and left little trails of fire wherever they lingered over his skin. He closed his eyes, and for a moment let himself enjoy the feeling.

He had waited this long, it was only fair that he got to enjoy the moment after all.

* * *

**Felicity**

Damn, stupid, perfectly-muscled-body. Her hands shook slightly as she pressed the bandages to the cuts along his arms. After months of not doing this and letting Oliver patch himself up, it felt nice to settle back into old routines. And by nice she absolutely did not mean the way his sculpted muscles felt underneath her busy hands.

Perhaps what she enjoyed the most was the fact that she could do this - be close to him - without feeling like a dirty traitor. Her breakup with William had been mature, and she was pretty sure that such was the way well-put-together adults handled those types of things. Sure it still hurt when she walked by his door on the way to hers, but the feelings of guilt she felt for the small tremor of pleasure that seized her whenever Oliver touched her were by far worse. She had locked up and sealed shut that box of emotions and shoved it firmly down into the smallest corner of her heart. She was done waiting.

Oliver's small hiss of pain brought her back to the task at hand and she blushed a little as she realized that she had practically zoned out while working on him.

"All done!" She declared happily, dusting her hands off dramatically for some added effect.

"Actually I need to check my leg."

He stood up then, and before she could protest - or even think about what he was doing - he was pushing the leather of his pants down.

She hoped the flush that she could feel spread across her neck and chest wouldn't show. Felicity leaned over his leg, inspecting it for any sign that it too had met the sharp end of a blade, but she couldn't seem to find anything wrong with it.

"Umm Oliver, what's wrong with your leg?" He frowned at her, meeting her confused gaze with a questioning one of his own.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… there's no cuts on it, no bruises, it doesn't really look like anything. I mean of course it's a very nice leg, you obviously don't skip leg day. There's so much… muscle everywhere." _God kill me now! _She thought. Her hands moved of their own accord and pressed against the firm muscle of his leg, testing it gently by putting small amounts of pressure. Never mind the burning of her cheeks.

"Do you feel that?" She couldn't help the bit of pride she felt at being able to keep her voice steady. Her eyes meet his blue ones, and they were a couple shades darker than usual. Her throat felt very dry all of a sudden, and she couldn't help the heat the coiled in the pit of her belly.

"Yes," it's little more than a whisper, but it carries more weight than she was ready to think about at the moment. His frown distracts her and she secretly thanks her lucky stars. "She did something to me though. I couldn't move my leg, but I could… can still feel it."

"Oliver… for you to suddenly lose feeling in your leg like that it would have to be a pretty severe blow. We'd see signs of some sort of deep muscle bruising, and from where I'm standing I don't see a thing."

John's interruption snapped them both back to the foundry. Felicity felt like she could breathe properly again and only just now realized that she'd been holding her breath as she looked at Oliver. She was literally going crazy, it hadn't been this bad before… had it?

But there were more important things to think about right then and there, and she forced herself to stay in the moment, shutting down all those _feelings_ and twisting Oliver's leg in front of her as gently as she could. She and John had been right though. There was nothing there that could indicate the kind of damage it had suffered.

From his confused and worried gaze Felicity gathered that Oliver was very much concerned about whatever had happened. Before she could lose herself in his eyes again - because seriously they were deep and pretty and just so blue - she heard Roy begin to stir behind her, groaning his displeasure.

"Roy!" Felicity suddenly jumped up and walked over to him, internally grateful for the chance to put some physical space between her and the gorgeous half naked man on the metallic table. In the twenty or so minutes it had taken her to wrap Oliver up in bandages the boy in red had managed to completely come around.

"What happened?" Roy mumbled, holding his right hand to his forehead. He grimaced and groaned as his tried to move his left hand from where it rested on the arm of Felicity's chair. "I can't move my hand." He finally raised his gaze to meet the rest of them, and the fear in them made Felicity's stomach drop.

"Can you feel it though?" Oliver asked calmly beside her. Roy moved his right hand from his face and massaged the left one gingerly. A crease appeared in his brow as he slowly worked his way down the entire arm.

"Yeah… actually I think… I can kind of move my fingers a little…" The digits of his left hand began to twitch, just small movements, but it was enough that the worry Felicity felt began to fade just a little. Satisfied that the damage didn't seem to be permanent, she returned her attention to Oliver, making sure that every bandage was securely placed. It was definitely more attention than was necessary, and she was sure Oliver would dislodge or move most of them out of place with his careless movement before the night was out. Felicity didn't seem to care though, as she kept checking and rechecking the bandages, desperate for something to do.

"What happened out there Roy?" John asked, his tone betraying the impatience he had been fighting

Roy gave them each a look that Felicity instantly recognized, because she had worn it before, back when she had failed against the Clock King's initial attack on their system. It was a look of shame mixed with confusion and disbelief.

"I don't remember," he confessed. "I don't even think I fought anyone, I was watching the building like Oliver had asked me to, and then the next thing I knew he was trying to get me up from the ground." He frowned again, his brow creasing in concentration. "I'm not missing any arrows and everything else is in place."

"It means you were taken by surprise." Oliver clarified. "There's no shame in that Roy, it happens to all of us."

"No kidding," Diggle chimed in, looking more than a little chagrinned.

"If it makes you feel any better, every time I go on the field I get taken hostage. I mean sure, it's always intentional kind of, but still they always catch me by surprise… Now that I think about it I should probably train a little harder with John. It would be nice to be the one taking by surprise." Her eyes widened as she realized some of the possible implications of what she had just said. "Not to sound rape-y or anything. I just meant that it'd be cool to be a kick-ass fighter like you guys."

"Felicity," Oliver's hand came to rest on her shoulder, and she turned around to face him. Little butterflies erupted in her belly as she gauged the expression in his eyes. She could see the pain at having been reminded of her captivity every time she went into the field (perhaps not the best thing to say), and a kindness that seemed to be reserved just for her. "You are kick-ass." He said, a small smile bringing up the corners of his lips.

Felicity smiled in return, unconsciously leaning towards him. Oliver seemed to lean in as well, until their faces were just inches apart. She looked down nervously at his lips, and liked her own as the unbidden thought of what it would be like to press hers against his crossed her mind. Oliver's eyes darkened a couple shades as his gaze fell to where her tongue had passed over her bottom lip.

They completely missed the look that Roy and John exchanged, eyebrows raised and eyes just a little wide.

"We're going to get going." John mumbled, only too eager to remove himself from the area.

"We are?" asked a confused Roy, looking just a little taken aback. He hadn't regained complete use of his arm, and he would have been lying if he said he hadn't been expecting to just relax at the foundry for a little while.

"Yes Roy, we are." John deadpanned, before grabbing Roy by the arm of his red jacket. The two promptly climbed the stairs and left the foundry, John practically dragging a reluctant Roy out. In their haste - or rather John's - it didn't seem to occur to either one of them that Roy still had his leathers on.

The air between Oliver and Felicity seemed electric. Oliver reached up and cupped her face - a gesture so intimate that it almost startled her - his thumb brushing gently over her bottom lip. Slowly he tugged at it, releasing it from the worrying grip of her teeth. She hadn't even noticed she'd begun to bite it. "You should be careful," Oliver whispered, his voice just a little huskier than usual. "You could hurt yourself."

"I've had worse," she babbled without thinking. Oliver flinched at her words, and Felicity found herself backpedaling, internally cursing herself for being so careless with her mouth. "I meant self inflicted, I sprained my ankle once because I was working on my tablet while I was walking and a cyclist decided to attack me with their bike."

"A cyclist attacked you with their bike?" an amused Oliver asked.

"Attacked. I didn't see him and stepped right into his path. I really fail to see the difference."

"Some would argue that the difference is very prominent Felicity."

"Well lucky for me I know I have you to defend should a spandex clad IT-girl hater ever decides that their tire tracks belong on my face." His lips quirked with amusement.

"I'll always protect you Felicity."

She reached down and grabbed his hand, bringing it up between them. Her fingers traced the lines of his palm, caressed the calloused pads of his fingers. "Always," she whispered, somehow the words sounding like a promise.

Her eyes met his; blue on blue and she found herself thinking about everything that had happened the last couple months. She could do this. She hadn't given up William for nothing, she just had to take it slow. It wasn't a race after all, and if she was being honest, her break up with William still kind of hurt.

So she did the only thing that seemed to make sense. She brought his hand higher, placing her mouth on his knuckles, letting her lips gently brush over the the hands that had done so much for a city that would never know him for what he was.

It was strange, just a little bit. Felicity was almost positive it was supposed to be the other way around, and that Oliver should be the one kissing her hand. Isn't that what always happened in the movies?

They weren't normal though. Everything about their relationship was completely different from everything that she had ever seen or read about before. In a way, it made her like it even more. It made it different; unique. Just like Oliver himself.

She pressed his hand up against his chest, right over his heart.

"Always," repeated Oliver, echoing her promise.

* * *

**Oliver**

If someone were to ask Oliver if he was nervous or not, he was pretty sure that the only response they would receive would be some form of strangled noise that sounded somewhere between a groan and a cry for help.

The last time he had opened up to Felicity… hadn't had the most favorable of outcomes. Of course that had purely been his fault. He had known what he needed to do. Not only had Thea sent it to him in the form of a highly perceptive and somewhat scarily accurate text, but Diggle also taken it upon himself to educate Oliver on just how much of an idiot he was being.

_The sound of the bamboo sticks clashing together echoed loudly inside the foundry, each subsequent clash louder than the last. Felicity had come into the office that day looking happier than Oliver could recall happening recently. He knew that she had gone out with that William guy the night before. Even if he only knew because Diggle had let it slip the night before when she was leaving the foundry - and then had subsequently eyed Oliver with a mischievous glint in his eye - he still didn__'__t like the idea of Felicity seeing anybody they didn__'__t know all that well. Back then he had told himself he was simply being protective of someone who was close to him._

_It was only fair now that Oliver take out his frustrations out on Diggle, in the form of a sound beating during their training sessions. Diggle still struggled to keep up when Oliver switched up the speed of his strikes, and he used it to his advantage as he took a particularly vicious swing at his ribs._

"_Oliver what the hell?__"_

"_Gotta keep up Diggle.__"_

_Diggle however lowered his sticks, scowling. __"__Why do I get the feeling that this is some form of payback?__"_

"_What makes you think that?__" __said Oliver a little too innocently._

"_Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Felicity had a hot date last night, and tonight as well.__"_

_At this Oliver pulled a face, __"__It has nothing to do with that.__"_

"_I__'__m sure it doesn__'__t, but at the risk of getting another broken rib let me just say something. If Felicity dating someone really bothers you, maybe it__'__s time you finally did something about it.__"_

"_Diggle-__"_

"_No let me finish.__" __Diggle interrupted, holding up a hand. __"__I think the reason you__'__re so mad lately is that you finally realized just how much Felicity actually means to you, and I mean as more than just a friend. I say this with a lot of love Oliver, nut up and do something about it.__"_

"_That doesn__'__t particularly sound like it comes from a place of love.__"_

"_It__'__s called tough love Oliver. Everyone needs it every now and then.__"_

The rest of course had occurred in the manner in which it had, meaning he had stupidly decided that waiting was the best course of action. If Oliver was being honest now the real reason he had decided to stall talking to Felicity was that he was simply afraid of what it would mean for them. Not just as teammates, but as friends as well.

He had used every overplayed and cliched excuse in the book. What if it didn't work out? What if they couldn't go back to the way things were? What if she said no? The latter of course she actually had, but that had been his own fault.

So now he was faced with the simple decision as to when. As Roy had been so kind as to point out earlier: _"__A break doesn__'__t technically mean they__'__re done for good, if __'__someone__' __were to take too long I think they could get back together. I__'__ve been told I would make an excellent ring bearer in the future.__" _The glare Oliver had sent his way after that particular statement had Roy grinning and suppressing laughter. He was more than positive now that he didn't particularly like their brand of tough love. His enemies gave him an easier time.

* * *

His palms were sweaty.

It unnerved him more than he was willing to admit. He hadn't been so nervous as to have sweaty palms since long before the island. If anyone else were watching her, they would probably say she was pretty and quirky. But because it was Oliver, because he always watched her even when he himself didn't know exactly why, he would say she was beautiful. And perfect.

He _had_ been fooling himself.

They had finished their work at Queen Consolidated as quickly as they could. There was a new threat out in the streets, apart from the woman that had beaten him. Oliver still didn't know who that woman was looking for, and a small part of him still feared Felicity was her intended target. Her trail had gone cold though, and while he was more than happy to continue to chase down each and every inevitable dead end, Diggle had been even happier to remind him that there were still other threats out there.

This new threat was as familiar as it was new. There were rumors of a new drug lord out there, someone dangerous and looking for power in all the wrong places. What substance he was pushing, or even which gang he had taken leadership of was still a mystery. They were of course only rumors, but they - his team and him - weren't about to let some new criminal stake a claim in their city.

He walked behind her at a leisurely pace, watching as her hair - swept up in its usual ponytail - swung wildly, brushing against her bared shoulders. She had chosen to wear another one of her short, tantalizing skirts that day a floral blouse that left her shoulders deliciously bare. His hands itched to caress that skin that was there.

It was now or never.

"Felicity… would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

The words were out of his mouth, sounding much more steady than he currently felt.

She froze, one foot comically still raised off the ground, her shoulders stiffening and then quickly relaxing. The heel of her impossibly high white stiletto touched the ground first. Oliver's throat was terribly dry, but he forced himself to swallow anyway, desperately trying to clear away the lump that had risen there.

"I don't want to read to much into this… but are you asking me out on a date… like an actual date? Like a _date-_date?" She almost smiled.

"S-I mean, the implication being with dinner that you-"

"Usually I'm the one talking in sentence fragments." She interrupted, her lovely face lighting up with amusement.

He paused for a moment, looking up and away from her eyes as he tried to clear his head a little. Oliver only needed a tiny moment of clarity before his gaze met hers again, this time his resolve solidifying. He wouldn't mess this up again.

A small huff of laughter escaped him and he grinned widely, almost foolishly. "Would you like to go to dinner with me?"

Her lack of hesitation was more than he could have ever hoped for.

"Yes."

* * *

**AN: I think you can all tell that I stole a couple lines there. Will this date have the same outcomes as the one in Arrow 301? Probably, but you never really know until you read the next chapter.**

**That being said, I received some incredible and inspiring reviews for the last chapter that honestly made me ten different kinds of happy. I do wish more readers would review, I am incredibly rusty trying to get back into my writing habits and the muse isn****'****t always as cooperative as I would like her to be, but for those of you who did review, I responded to all the ones I could and tried to for the ones I couldn****'****t. Feel free to skip my ramblings, I usually try not to insert too much of them.**

**Please please please review! The more I get, the sooner the next chapter will be finished. ;). Is he serious? Only one way to find out.**

* * *

MUST READ!

_**Sneak Peak at Chapter 8:**_

_**The lights of her apartment were already turned on as she walked in. She frowned her confusion, positive that she had turned them off before she left earlier. Grateful that William had repair the door handle for her all those months ago and that as a result she had been extra quiet as she made her way in, she slipped off her heels. Barefoot she made her way through her tiny hallway, as quiet as she could possibly be, and into her small living room. A figure stood by the window, backed turned to her as they looked out at her not too impressive view of the street outside.**_

"_**Hi, Felicity.**__**"**_


	8. Prologue: Gwen

**VIII**

The lights of her apartment were already turned on as she walked in. Felicity frowned her confusion, positive that she had turned them off before she left earlier. Grateful that William had repaired the door handle for her all those months ago and that as a result she had been extra quiet as she made her way in. She slipped off her heels and barefoot made her way through her tiny hallway, as quiet as she could possibly be, and into her small living room. A figure stood by the window, back turned to her as they looked out at her not too impressive view of the street outside.

"Hi, Felicity." The figure turned around, and Felicity's jaw dropped. Standing there was a woman so lovely that Felicity instantly found herself wishing that she had taken more care of her appearance earlier in the day. It wasn't the kind of thing that she was accustomed to doing, but given her present company she felt that no one could blame her for being just a little self-conscious. She was only human after all.

"H-hi," she managed to stammer out after a moment that seemed entirely too long.

"You can relax darling I'm not here to hurt you, I just want to talk," the woman said, raising both of her hands in a gesture of peace. Her clothes were simple but stylish, a dark pea-coat covered most of her white blouse and black jeans hugged her impossibly long and well shaped legs. Once again Felicity couldn't help the slightly begrudging admiration that she felt. Here was a woman who could give Gorgeous Laurel a run for her money.

"Then why are you here?"

"I couldn't very well talk to you in front of your friends now could I? Oliver Queen might just try to impale me with an arrow… again. Quite a temper that one has actually." The woman's finger rose to her chin, tapping it thoughtfully. Apparently she decided to let the matter go, because she smiled affectionately at Felicity. The woman's strange behavior was starting to give Felicity a feeling akin to some sort of emotional whiplash.

"I think it'd be a lot easier for me to trust you if you hadn't just broken into my apartment, and stated that my boss tried to impale you with an arrow. In fact, nothing you're saying is making me relax at all."

"'Broken in' is such an ugly phrase, besides I don't think it really counts as breaking in if you left the door unlocked." Felicity gasped, her hand flying to her forehead and giving herself a thorough smack. "Probably should double check those kinds of things." The woman continued, walking over to her small couch and sitting down, obviously making herself comfortable. She gestured to the seat opposite her, and if Felicity wasn't still so embarrassed at her mistake she might have felt annoyed at being invited to sit on her couch in her own apartment.

"Why don't we start with simple things, my name is Gwen," she said, gesturing to herself and inkling her head forward. "And yours is Felicity Smoak, graduate from MIT in the class of 2009 and technological expert of the Starling City vigilante known as the Arrow. Do I have that right?"

"Something like that," she mumbled moving towards the couch and taking the seat that had previously been indicated. There was a part of her - the more rational and probably only sane part of her in this moment probably - that was screaming for her to get out of there as fast as she could. Nothing Gwen had said should inspire any sort of reaction from her other than one that would get her out of her apartment.

The only thing that was stopping her, apart from unshakable feeling that this woman could wipe the floor with her on Felicity's finest day, was that something about her was intriguing her.

"I think I have it exactly right Felicity, and if I'm being honest it's actually because of the work you've done for him that I'm here." Felicity blinked, her mind going uncharacteristically blank.

Felicity's mind was always working. Thoughts chased each other around in her head so quickly that it would disorient most people, but not her. It was all normal to her, something would come up - anything really - and she analyzed it, memorized it, worked her way around it, and then moved on to the next one. Maybe it was because of the untamable amount of information and thoughts that she constantly had racing around inside her head that her brain to mouth filter didn't always work. How was she supposed to control what came out of her when she was busy processing two or three different things at the same time?

She could count the amount of times that her mind had gone blank on one hand. Or well, make that two now, because this would be the sixth.

"How?"

"How did we find you? I'd like to say it was simple, but it really wasn't. We have tech experts as well Felicity, and as good as you are they were able to find you eventually. We've been watching the Arrow for a while now, mostly because it was obvious that he wasn't working alone. The bodyguard is good, but he's not the technological type, and some of things that they were pulling off required a third eye, someone who could direct them and grant them access to information, servers, and mainframes that not your average run-of-the-mill hacker could get their hands on."

"They needed someone like me."

"They needed exactly you Felicity." Gwen fixed Felicity with a no nonsense look. "You are the best of the best, and trust me we've looked long enough to tell you this with absolute certainty."

"So what do you want with me?"

"For someone with a genius level IQ you are a little dense sometimes aren't you?" Gwen asked, pressing her lips together to keep herself from giggling.

"Excuse me?" said Felicity, looking more than a little insulted.

"Never-mind." she said innocently, clasping her hands together and placing them on her lap, though she still looked like she was holding back laughter. "I'm just going to come out and say it I guess. Felicity I'm here under Project Watchtower, a mission completely dedicated to finding and recruiting women with a special sets of skills. You however, are our top priority, you _are _Watchtower."

Felicity instantly stood up and paced to the corner of the room that was furthest from Gwen. Her hands came up and pushed through her hair, a part of Felicity's mind immediately wondered when she had taken it out of her working-ponytail, before she made herself focus.

"This doesn't make any sense!" She finally declared. Turning to glare at Gwen, who was still sitting on her couch, the picture of ease. "It's one thing to suspect that the Arrow has a computer expert helping them, but how do you go from suspecting to ending up inside my apartment?"

"You actually helped us Felicity." Gwen stood up and smiled, turning her body slightly as she reached behind her and dug around inside a small purse. "Like I said we suspected that there was someone helping the Arrow, all we needed to do was make that person tip their hand."

She turned around again and grinned at Felicity, displaying her perfect white teeth, and held up a small coin. "Does this look familiar?"

Felicity walked forward slowly, her legs feeling more and more like lead with every passing second. Gwen held out the coin to her and she took it, holding it between two fingers. It was exactly like the one Oliver had given her all those months ago with the exception that this one was entirely new, the owl prominent and the writing clearly legible.

"Daughters of Wisdom," she whispered. "My researching this led you to me didn't it?"

Gwen nodded. "It was a bit of a long shot, but we knew the Arrow would have you gather information from this. When you inevitably found something it would raise an alert that would lead us right to you. All that really needed to be done was orchestrate a fake robbery and arranged for the coin to be left behind for him to find."

"That's quite an elaborate setup, so many things that could go wrong and too many variables that are unaccounted for." Felicity stated, her gaze flicking from the coin to Gwen quickly. It was after all still so very hard to believe. And considering the kind of life she had been leading for the past seven years, that was really saying something.

"We had different means as well, but this way seemed like the one that resulted in the least amount of conflict."

"And the warehouse?"

"I needed to draw you both out, he plays it safe when it comes to you and I needed him distracted. It was a _really _big long shot, but I actually did kind of hope that he would bring you with him." Felicity fixed her with a blank stare and Gwen sighed. "Felicity," Gwen reached out and grabbed both of her hands, holding them together between the two of them. "I get that this is a lot to take in, but please-"

"I don't even know who you are!" Felicity shouted, finally having lost what little patience and restraint she had been holding on to.

Gwen frowned at her, letting her hands go and taking a step back. "Maybe I'm not going about presenting this to you properly. I don't even think I explained who it is I work for. Felicity… there is so much untapped potential inside of you. Don't settle for working behind a man." Gwen bit her lip, looking as if she were thinking deeply about something before she reached inside her purse and drew out a pen and a small notebook. "Here" she said, scribbling something onto the small pad before she ripped the page out. "I'll give you all the answers you're looking for just… call this number when you're ready."

Felicity took the paper, clutching it much more tightly than necessary. "What makes you so sure I won't take my friends with me when I do?"

Gwen gave her a sad smile, thinking just how naive Felicity still was. "You've had information about the coin and known the name of who we are for a long time Felicity, and you haven't said a word to either of your partners. Somehow, I don't think that you want Oliver to know what you've found out."

She reached out and grabbed Felicity's shoulder, giving it a squeeze as she walked past her and towards the door.

"I'll hear from you soon Watchtower."

* * *

**I decided to cut off the chapter there, and the date will most likely happen in the next chapter. Thanks for the views to those of you who took the time, they are greatly appreciated and loved.**

**That being said I would really like to receive at least 10 reviews before the next chapter goes up. On another note, I have noticed the incredible amount of people that are following this fic, and I have to say that considering that there are almost 160 of you that are actively following this one, is greatly humbling and I'm trying to write the best version of this that I possibly can. Please let me know if it seems to unreal, too OOC, or if there is a way that I can make this better for you guys to read and to enjoy. I do this for me, but I also do this for you (lets be real it's most for you guys).**

**A shoutout to my amazing and darling beta Lililovingreading, thank you for taking the time to correct my mistakes and for being an all around awesome person.**

**And let's not forget the ever incredible foxxandbeanz, if you haven't already please check out her fic titled "I've Got These Little Things". She is truly talented and I am loving her amazing portrayal of the characters and the direction she's taking.**

**Until next time you incredible readers and Olicity shippers.**


	9. Prologue: No More Waiting

**I have lifted and altered some dialogue from a scene many of you will recognize. Hope you all enjoy!**

**IX**

* * *

The sound of someone knocking on her door filled the silence that ensued, and Felicity's head snapped around to look at Gwen. She stopped too, and turned around, meeting Felicity's terrified gaze with narrowed eyes.

"Who is it?" she whispered, her hand reaching inside her coat. Felicity didn't need to wait and see to know that whatever she had underneath there, was not something whoever was at her door would like to be on the receiving end of.

"I don't know," Felicity whisper-shouted back. Gwen appraised her quickly and then relaxed, her hand falling from inside her coat.

"I need to get out of here."

"Fire escape, bedroom." Felicity commanded, already moving toward the door. Gwen's retreating footsteps were followed by the sound of her bedroom door creaking open. Felicity didn't bother to look behind her as she pulled the door open, positive that the other woman had already made herself scarce. "Oliver, what are you doing here?"

Oliver stood on the other side of her door, fist raised as if he were getting ready to knock again. His eyes widened in surprise, not because she had opened the door, but because of the fear Felicity realized too late had managed to seep into her voice. She had no reason to fear him, his presence here. So why should that emotion be there?

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern instantly coloring his tone. Of course he'd be concerned for her, she thought. Oliver only knew her as Felicity, the girl who never kept anything from him, John, or Roy. As far as he knew, she had no secrets; at least not the kind that could be deemed dangerous or as need-to-know.

So much had changed in the last six months.

"_There is so much untapped potential in you__…"_

Gwen's voice infiltrated her thoughts. But what kind of potential could she possibly mean? She'd already stated that Felicity was the best of the best when it came to her field. What was there that Felicity could improve on?

And suddenly Felicity found herself wishing that Oliver were anywhere else but there with her. A shocker really, considering she often wanted just the opposite. Poor William, he really did deserve better than her, especially when she wasn't even sure she could give her all to him while Oliver was still in her life. Oliver's presence now though was exactly the opposite of what she wanted and needed.

Felicity needed time to figure it all out and that perhaps, is what scared her the most. She shouldn't even consider the crazy notion of leaving her team for whatever it was Gwen was offering. There was so much that wasn't right with her for simply entertaining the thought. No. She would absolutely not consider it. Not anymore. What she needed to do now, was figure out how to tell Oliver everything.

"I'm fine," she lied smoothly, feeling anything but. Oliver's eyebrow raised, obviously not satisfied with her answer even though her tone had betrayed nothing of her inner turmoil. She really was getting better at controlling what came out of her mouth. And the lying thing, she suspected that was more due to her overabundance of practice when it came to lying. Something she could definitely credit to the double life she now led. "What are you doing here though?"

"I was thinking-"

"Oh God." Felicity flinched, and she saw Oliver's grimace as he worked through the meaning of her words.

"I was thinking," he began again. "That I've waited too long."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, that I want our date now."

"Now, you mean… _now _now?" Seriously? Sometimes the man had the worst timing imaginable. Or maybe, she thought, it was the best timing. Alone she would have turned her conversation with Gwen in her mind over and over until she reached a conclusion that Felicity wasn't sure she wanted to reach. With Oliver here, now; she felt grounded. Everything had happened too fast in the last half hour, too much to be taken in.

_Watchtower_.

She'd never had a codename before. Before she had always been just Felicity. Good old reliable Felicity Smoak and she had liked that.

"Oliver you can't be serious." She looked down at her current attire. She was dressed in the same black blouse and dark grey pencil skirt she had worn to work earlier that day. While the outfit was appropriate for the work place, it was hardly something that she would wear on a date. Particularly not her first date with _the _Oliver Queen. And she didn't mean _the _as in rich Oliver Queen. She meant _the _as in the man she had always been so sure would never be more than her friend, a person who looked at her and felt as much sexual attraction as she would feel towards a sack of potatoes, or a lamp.

He on the other hand, didn't seem even remotely fazed by her incredulous stare. In true Oliver fashion, despite the fact that he was one of smartest men she had ever known (because that D he got in tenth grade algebra didn't count, there was a difference between book smart and _smart _smart), he was adorably clueless sometimes.

"Of course I am."

"And where exactly would we be going?" She crossed her arms in front of her and gave him the best "really Oliver" face that she could muster.

"_Giovanni__'__s_" Oliver stated, and then proceeded to frown when Felicity flinched. "I thought you liked Italian food, everybody likes Italian."

"As a matter of fact no, not everybody likes Italian. I had a friend at MIT who's name was Chloe and she hated Italian food, something about too much garlic or olives or something or other, I never really understood what her aversion to it was, it always tasted good to me. So I suppose you're right, I do like Italian. Not as much as Thai, but then again I don't suppose there are any Thai places in Starling that are quite up there with what you normally frequent. And speaking of high end places seriously Oliver _Giovanni__'__s, _you're going show up at my doorstep at," she shook her wrist in front of her and peered at her watch, "seven thirty seven to take me there without giving me the chance to get properly dressed."

"What's wrong with the way you're dressed?" Oliver inquired, smiling widely now as he openly looked her up and down.

Felicity felt herself blush at his shameless appraisal of her. "This isn't something one would wear to a place like that Oliver. I need a better dress and a hairdo that will take me at _least _an hour if not more and don't even get me started on my makeup-"

Oliver reached out to her, grabbing her hand from where it rested on top of her other arm and took it between his own. He fixed her with a look that instantly - and mercifully - had her shutting up. It was funny how many different emotions his deep blue eyes could express. There was a fire in them that she rarely saw, but there was also tenderness and patience and…

"You look beautiful right now, and nobody will care what you're wearing. I don't care what you're wearing, it'll just be me and you."

_Me and you_. A tiny voice in her head wanted to correct Oliver, tell him that technically it should be "you and I" but of course that wasn't something that she would allow herself to do. So she settled for sighing in only slightly exaggerated defeat, and rubbed small circles on his fist with her thumb.

"Let me go get my purse."

She moved away from him then, turning back towards her apartment. The coin, the new one that Gwen had left her with, heavy in her hand. She blocked his view of her purse with her body and slipped that traitorous object inside. Out of sight, kind of out of mind. Not for the first time she found herself wishing that her mind wasn't capable of so much thinking, of being able to process so many different thoughts at the same time. It made putting thoughts away impossible, because there was always a small part of her that could still think about it, even while she desperately wanted not to.

Felicity schooled her features. She needed to be happy; she needed to be her usual self. She needed Oliver.

"All ready," she announced, turning once again to look at him. His answering grin made her knees go weak.

* * *

The waiter approached them, his expression strictly professional. "Scotch, neat." Oliver said, his eyes never straying from Felicity.

"Just a water for me," His gaze was almost too strong, and she turned to look at the waiter, grateful that she could look at the strangers face instead of Oliver's.

His arm shot out to catch the waiters before he left though, and the look he gave Felicity could be described as nothing but apprehension. She found it rather comical. "A-are you sure? 'Cause the booze might help with the whole…"

"I'm good," she declared, feeling her lips twitch. A flustered Oliver was not something she had been expecting. Truthfully the alcohol was something that she would have been grateful for, and in that moment a little liquid courage might have been just the thing that she needed. But even stronger was her need to experience this entire moment without any sort of alteration. She was a bit of a lightweight after all, and she wanted to remember every last second of tonight.

Oliver nodded at the waiter who quickly left. He shifted in his chair, his hands smoothing the lapels of his jacket down in a manner that was so unlike him Felicity almost wanted to question him to make sure the man in front of her was really Oliver Queen.

"Nervous?" she breathed, her voice betraying a little of her own nervousness. Oliver's eyes flashed to look at her, lips pursed as he nodded. Felicity smiled at him, feeling herself relax just a little. "Line forms behind me."

"Am I being crazy? I mean what do we have to be nervous about?"

"Well, we've already exhausted every topic one would normally talk about on a first date, and a second date, and a third date, and pretty much every date actually, and I've already seen you shirtless," she shifted her gaze from his eyes, finding a sudden and powerful interest in the table cloth as she attempted to hide the flush on her cheeks. "Multiple times, shirtless… all the time."

"There are still…a few things that you don't know about me," Oliver confessed, choosing to ignore her flustered state, for which she was extremely grateful. She might have been getting slightly better at controlling her mouth, but the comment of course had slipped out against her better judgment. Bad habits were the hardest to kill after all.

His eyes searched her face, looking for something she wasn't sure she entirely understood was.

"Please… name one," she implored, taking a sip of the glass of water that was set in front of her by the waiter.

"The five years that I was away… I wasn't always on Lian Yu," if Oliver was looking for some sign of surprise from her, it seemed that he was the one to be caught off guard. Sometimes Felicity was positive that he and John forgot just how smart she actually was. She had already deduced what he had just divulged to her. To Felicity, it seemed painfully obvious that he hadn't spent all five years on the island that was literally dubbed purgatory, and she found herself wondering just how many other people - if any - had already arrived to the same conclusion.

"I thought so," she confessed as well. "Where were you?"

"Hong Kong, for one." That would explain the Chinese Characters that were tattooed along the side of his abdomen, Felicity thought to herself. While the enormous amount of people who got tattoos of Chinese Characters and were only kind of sure that the symbol actually meant what they thought it did was one for the record books, Oliver had never struck her as one to follow such trends. Even before the island, his persona - at least what she had read of it and heard from others - was one of a trendsetter, not a trend follower. "And I have been thinking a lot recently about my time there, the choices that I made…" Oliver paused, his gaze falling from her face to look down at his hands, firmly clasped in front of him.

"Those years sound like they were filled with a whole lot of suck." Felicity suggested, feeling the need to get him out of his thoughts. An Oliver who got too far into his own head and twisted past was an Oliver that tended to think of all the bad, and none of the good. Not for the first time Felicity felt the strong desire of something more for him, for him to find some semblance of happiness.

She wanted it all, but not for herself, for him.

Oliver's eyes were brimming with emotion as he held her gaze, and he reached up to stroke his lips. "I'm sorry," he blinked rapidly, "I'm a little out of my element." He paused for a second, and Felicity saw a new light in his eyes, a light that made her heart give that hopeful little swoop.

"The entire time that I was gone I could never completely trust someone," Oliver frowned, his expression pleading with her to understand him. "And when that goes on for so long you stop seeing people for _people_. You see threats… or targets, and when I decided to come home I just didn't know how to turn that part of me off." He paused again, and Felicity almost wanted to tell him that it was okay for him to stop. She didn't expect him to open up completely, to divulge each and every secret he had all at once. She did want him to open up to her, to let her in deeper than she'd ever been allowed to go before, but she wanted Oliver to do it because he wanted to, when he was ready.

"And then I walked into your office, you were the first person that I could see as a… person." He looked up and then down quickly, and Felicity felt a small smile tug at her lips. "There was just something about you."

She ducked her head then, the memory of that day coming back to her as soon as the words left his mouth. "Oh yeah, I was chewing on a pen," slightly mortified she began to scratch at her forehead, the notion nothing more than a nervous habit.

"It was red," he murmured, his expression completely open to her, all remains of the wall that had been between them completely gone.

In his eyes, she saw hope.

**AN:**

**A thank you to Lililovingreading for being an amazing beta! And to foxxandbeanz for being an enabler when it come to this story. Also a certain someone by the name of jessspider reviewed every single chapter in the span of one day and made me smiled quite a lot. Thanks to all of you who take the time to review, I very truly and deeply appreciate it! Now I'm going to go and try to figure out how to use a tumblr, and once I do I will begin to post spoilers and such and ramble on about Arrow.**

**Ten more reviews will unlock chapter 10. **


	10. Prologue: Fire Everywhere

**X.**

**Felicity**

Fire.

There was fire everywhere.

Looking back on it, she should have known that something would eventually happen. It was too good to be true, and they had an incredibly good track record for incredibly shitty luck. Naive. That's what she had been.

Stupid, reckless, naive, and just about every bad adjective her overly active brain could come up with.

Fire… and smoke.

Was that Oliver? She thought she could see him, but her eyes were getting blurry. They were dry, too dry, the heat of the fire sucking away all moisture from her.

She didn't want him to find her like this. Not now, not ever. He would blame himself. Nowadays Felicity was positive that suchwas Oliver's super power. Where Barry now had super speed, Oliver had super guilt. He really did have an uncanny ability to stupidly shoulder the blame for everything, even the things that had absolutely nothing to do with him.

Okay, so this one kind of had something to do with him, but not in the way he would take it, not in the way she knew he would react.

Fire, smoke, and screams. There were screams everywhere, the sound breaking through to Felicity as her ears finally stopped ringing. She had hit her head, smashed it really, against the cold hard cement of the ground and darkness had consumed her. Felicity knew that she had been knocked unconscious, but for just how long she wasn't sure. Maybe too long.

"Felicity!"

Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. Even now, even while she was in a situation that demanded her to remain focused and unfazed, she couldn't help reacting to him. Felicity didn't think she ever would.

Fire… fire everywhere.

_**Two months ago-**_

"_Do you remember that I told you that because of who I was__… __I didn__'__t think I could be with someone I could really care about?__"_

The night had gone… unexpectedly well. A small part of her brain had begun to make her tense a little as the seconds passed, but seconds turned into minutes, and soon those minutes morphed into an hour, then two. The small sense of paranoia - something she attributed to John and Oliver one hundred percent, since she had never been even remotely close to paranoid before those two came into her life - began to ease. And finally, when it seemed like the restaurant wouldn't get blown to smithereens, Felicity felt herself truly throw herself into the moment.

It was everything she had hoped it would be.

There was something that simply felt… right about being there. With Oliver. Her and Oliver. Smoak and Queen. Or was it Queen and Smoak? Would he care who's last name came first? It was only her thoughts after all, but even she knew those thoughts had an uncanny pension for coming out of her mouth and not staying in her head where they belonged.

The food was delicious (of course) and the wine he had convinced her into ordering halfway into the meal had been divine. There was a small sparkle in his eyes when she tasted the wine, and Felicity thought for maybe just a second that he knew she had taken a bottle or two - okay maybe three, she really was sucker for a good wine - from the Verdant cellar. She wouldn't be surprised if he did. The man was always aware of everything and everyone around him - physically at least - a skill and habit she was sure he had picked up during his years away. A need to always be in tune to his surroundings, to analyze and plan everything.

She wondered if that need would ever go away.

She doubted it, but if it did, it could only mean peace.

He deserved peace.

Oliver drove them back to her apartment, listening all the while as she talked and talked and talked. Despite her claims that they had already exhausted every topic that was date worthy, she found that there were still a lot of things that she could tell him. About her time at MIT, about her horrible goth phase - because really the blonde (while not natural) suited her a lot more than the black - and hacking just to post on hacker forums and brag that yeah she could, because she was the best of the best and she really wasn't kidding when she had told Barry that when it came to hacking she was the fastest woman alive.

So she talked and he listened, and if she wasn't so sure her eyes were playing tricks on her she could have sworn the look on his face was one of pure concentration, as if he were committing her every word to memory and everything she said had his complete and upmost attention.

When the small chime of the elevator sounded Felicity felt herself become tense, her fingers fluttering at her sides (almost as if she were searching for her keyboard, though as to why she wasn't sure). Oliver motioned for her to go first and she obliged him, stepping out onto the hallway and making a beeline for her apartment. She didn't wait for him or look over to make sure he was following, already certain that he was.

Felicity struggled with the doorknob for a second, and this time she didn't even have the "it's kind of broken" excuse that she used to have. No sirie, that was all her. Stupid nerves. She wasn't exactly sure what they would do now. Should she invite him for a nightcap? Should she invite him in at all? What would he take that as, an invitation to climb into her bed where (admittedly she wanted him very badly) she wasn't sure she was ready to have him? Sure she had waited two and a half years for this day, but now that the moment was here she found herself freezing up.

Yes she wanted Oliver in any and every sense of the word, but at the same time she couldn't help but compare herself to his past conquests. Not in the sense that she felt inferior to any of them, because frankly there was no use in doing that. Felicity knew she was pretty, beautiful even when she actually did something with herself. No, it was the fact that she knew they had all been eager and quick to jump into bed with _the _Oliver Queen, and look how long or how well _those _relationships had lasted.

She wanted this to last.

Oliver's hand came into view, gently easing her fingers out of the way before giving the key and doorknob and easy twist. The door swung open and Felicity quickly stepped inside. A nightcap it would be, but that was as far as it would go tonight.

_Maybe some other night__… __soon. _Damn her traitorous brain.

She turned around just then, mouth open and ready to invite him for just one more glass of wine - because wine was awesome and she could use the liquid courage right about now - when the look on his face stopped her.

"Felicity," he whispered.

He closed the space between them and reached for her.

Felicity had always thought that romantic comedies were a bit overdone. Great to watch and sometimes down right addicting to the point where she would honker down for the night with a good pint of mint chip and power her way through three or four in one night, but still a little overdone. The fireworks that the protagonists supposedly saw, the foot popping kiss and all that jazz frankly seemed a little bit too cheesy. If she'd said it once she'd say it again, she might have been blonde, but not that blonde.

_Well Felicity, now you see where those screenwriters get it from, _sometimes her brain was too capable for her own good.

When Oliver kissed her she saw fireworks, and damn it she would be lying if she said her foot didn't rise off the floor _just _a little. His lips were soft, as Felicity always thought they'd be. His tongue licked at her bottom lip, asking for entrance that she quickly granted. It wasn't rough, or desperate, he took his time with her, exploring her as his tongue stroked against hers, flicked at the back of her teeth and the roof of her mouth. He tasted of their food and scotch and a unique taste she was positive was completely Oliver. He reached up to cup her face, the rough pads of his fingertips gently grazing against the skin of her cheeks. Her own hands came up to clasp together at the back of his neck, grabbing at the short hairs at the base of his skull. She gave them a small tug and an animalistic growl rumbled deep in Oliver's chest. Their breaths came in pants, becoming more harsh as their kisses sped up, slowly becoming more intense.

It would be the most natural thing right now, to lead him to her bedroom. God knew she'd felt this kind of physical attraction to him for almost three years now. She'd half made up her mind to tug him in the direction of her bedroom when their lips parted.

She'd be lying if she said she didn't like the way he was breathless as well when they seperated. He pressed his forehead against hers, his hands still gently caressing her cheeks. Desire coiled low in her belly at the way his eyes darkened with need.

"We should probably stop now," he murmured.

"Probably."

He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning in to press his lips to hers in a quick kiss. Her heart thumped loudly in her ears at the contact. Oliver stepped back from her then, shoving his hands firmly in his pockets as if hoping to contain them.

She grinned at him in response, "does this mean that there's going to be a second date?"

His answering smile was nearly blinding. "And a second, and third, and fourth…" He trailed off, his voice becoming lower as he searched her face.

What he was looking for, she wasn't exactly sure, but she thought - hoped really - that maybe he found it.

"I should… go."

"You can stay… if you want." The offer was out of her mouth before she could stop it, her cheeks instantly flushed.

He stepped forward again, and for a second Felicity thought he was going to take her up on her offer. His hands came up to catch her face again as he pulled her in for another kiss. Oliver kept the kiss short, his lips soft and slow against hers.

"Not tonight," his eyes captured hers, and even she couldn't deny the desire that she saw there. "But soon," he promised, his voice husky.

She tried her best to pretend her stomach didn't do that awful - yet oh so good - lurch it did at the thought. Oliver let her go, walking towards her door. Unfortunately she didn't exactly trust her knees not to give out from under her if she tried to follow him. He paused once when he opened the door, turning back to give her a smile.

When he was finally gone she turned and flopped down onto her couch. Fingers curling around the coin in her purse, she brought it out to examine it. Such a small thing and yet it was causing so much turmoil, though she really only had herself to blame for that one. Her brow furrowed as she turned it over and over.

_Untapped potential__…__._

_It was red__…__._

The coin soon found its way back into her purse. She would tell Oliver everything, about the coin, about Gwen, about the Daughters of Wisdom (whatever they were), because even though she didn't know much about them, she knew one thing.

When she kissed Oliver there was fire.

Fire everywhere.

**AN: Another short chapter, I know I****'****m sorry, but I cut them off where they lend themselves to be cut off. The next one will probably be a lot longer, as I have many things I need to put into the next one.**

**A thank you to Lililovingreading for her awesomeness! foxxandbeanz continue to be an amazing source of motivation and yes dear you are an enabler, embrace it, it****'****s a good thing! To everyone who reviewed, you are all amazing and a permanent part of my heart. I can****'****t thank any of you enough. I try to respond to as many of them as I can, and if I don****'****t respond it****'****s mostly because I don****'****t want to say anything that could possibly give away too much of the future. Even though I tease some of you with spoilers.**

**Sorry for the delay, but I****'****m not much accustomed to writing kiss scenes, and I had to read a lot of fan fictions out there (from every fandom I could think of) to get this as close to good as I could get it.**

**On the other hand! Wow! All ten reviews so quick! I should request (demand cough cough) those things from the beginning haha. There are only a couple more chapters left, and I would really love to break into the 100 zone before then.**

**The title has changed (for those of you who might have noticed and those who didn****'****t), to dig up the bones (but leave the soul alone). I said in the beginning the story was still evolving in my head, and at the time it started the previous titles matched it perfectly, but now it kind of doesn****'****t, as my baby continues to mature and grow (in the plot sense of the word). **

**So I will ask for****… ****14 reviews before posting chapter 11. Is that too random a number? I kind of feel it is, but it****'****s also my lucky number, so yay 14! Leave any love if you have it. :)**

**P.S. I am now on tumblr guys! **** blog/1strangeness-charm1**


	11. Prologue: Deepest Fear

**XI.**

**Oliver**

Sometimes, it seemed like he would never leave the island. Not really. Even when he had left the first time and was in Hong Kong, then Russia, he knew that a part of him would always be on there, as left behind and dead as those he had lost to the island.

Yao Fei. Shado. Even Slade and Sara who had both made it off, but were just as imprisoned as he was.

Felicity… was different. There was something about her. Maybe it was the innocence, the mere fact that she had lived this double life with them for so long and still remained pure. He had the feeling she could be dragged through the fires of hell and still remain as untainted as ever.

He'd known for a while that he would do anything to protect her, to protect the light inside her. But when he kissed her, when she kissed him… it was like nothing he'd ever felt before.

He'd loved before, of course he had. But with Felicity, like everything about and around her, it was different. She'd snuck up on him, endearing him with her accidental innuendos and rambled explanations that somehow made whatever she had let slip even worse. She believed in him when nobody else - including himself - did.

She alone knew each and every part of him. She knew of the Oliver before the island, even if she hadn't been around him at the time. The tabloids had spared no expense in highlighting his many faults, and he was ashamed to admit that more often than not they got it right on the mark. She knew more about his time on the island - and off - than anyone else, even Digg.

When they kissed, everything fell away. There was only him and her.

When they kissed, he knew he would do anything and everything to protect the light inside her.

**Felicity**

Oliver had a bit of an exhibitionist streak about him. Of this, there could be no doubt. Now though it seemed as if he took each and every opportunity to work out in the foundry while she was around. Shirtless, she might add. Shirtless… all the time.

Felicity wasn't complaining, per se. She was simply taking note of certain things. Six of them, to be exact.

The stairs that led down to the foundry weren't exactly meant for someone as ungraceful as her to make their way down quietly. People like Sara and Oliver? Sure! They could walk across the most rickety of surfaces and still be as silent and graceful as a wraith.

She knew he heard her the moment she was started making her way down the stairs, the metal clang as he worked his way up the salmon ladder filling the otherwise noiseless foundry. When he saw her he smiled, letting go of the bar and landing gracefully on his feet. The sweat that dripped off of him should have been gross, lord knew that she hadn't found that kind of thing attractive from any of her past flings, only it wasn't. His scent was stronger as he approached her, and it too wasn't as gross as it should've been. It was comforting and spicy and completely male, and it made her toes curl with appreciation.

"Any news on this new drug-lord?" Oliver asked, his smile still in place.

"I managed to get a complete analysis of the chemical structure of the new drug. It looks like this guy took vertigo and gave it some highly unpleasant alterations."

"Their effects?"

"Still not sure," she admitted, interlacing her fingers in front of her. "But whatever it is it can't be good since it's put five people in the hospital with some very, very bad trips."

Oliver frowned at her. "Is there anyway we can find him."

"I've been working on that," she pipped up, pointer her finger at him and stepped around to make her way to the computers. "I modified the facial recognition program I 'borrowed' from the FBI to notify me if any faces popped up repeatedly in or around the area where the overdoses cases were found."

"Did you find anything?"

"I'm a little hurt that you asked that question honestly," she laughed, scrunching up her nose when he got closer to her. "Eww Oliver, you're sweaty!" she complained when he got close enough she could feel the heat radiating off of him like a furnace.

Oliver shrugged, "I didn't hear any complaints earlier," he teased. Felicity blushed, but otherwise decided to ignore his comment.

"This man," she said, pointing to her screen where a picture was displayed. He looked to be no older than his late twenties and completely ordinary, perfect for someone looking to not stand out. "Adam Taylor, the program picked him at each of the five scenes, my money's that he's a provider."

"And the provider can lead us to the maker." Oliver finished, already walking towards the glass case that contained his leathers.

"Oliver," Felicity spoke up before he could leave to get himself ready. She didn't know what possessed her to think that moment was right, but suddenly she knew that she needed to tell him everything that she'd been keeping from him. Even if she didn't still understand why she'd kept the secret from him in the first place. Oliver - and not just him, but John and Roy and Sara, too - had all earned her trust with their lives. What kind of a person was she if she kept this from them? She couldn't afford to keep going down that path, a path that had already been treaded by someone she didn't really know all that well but still managed to make her cringe at the very thought.

Secrets had a way of coming out. Better that Oliver learn it from her than from someone else. "I need to talk to you," she finally spit out, her voice sounding much more uncertain than she would have liked.

Oliver's brow furrowed in confusion as he took a step closer to her, "whatever it is, we'll talk about it when I get back."

_Now or never, now or never_. But despite what her more sensible self was telling her, she nodded at him, not trusting her voice to completely giver her away.

**Oliver**

Felicity found him soon after, one of her many programs having found him in one of the more unpleasant part of the Glades. He knew that he shouldn't be surprised by what she could do anymore. Ask Felicity for something and it was only a matter of time before she came through, it was what made her his secret weapon. The one everyone always underestimated always turned out to be the one who saved them - saved him.

It was a blur from there, because for the life of him Oliver could only barely remember what led up to the confrontation. He found him, this Adam person, and put the fear of God in him. He got a location, a name and a face. It was almost too easy.

It was too easy. Oliver should have known.

That person - drug-lord - whoever they were, wanted to be found.

They were standing in a small circle in the middle of the room when he ghosted in, using the shadows as his camouflage. He could hear the sound of their hushed whispers, the action itself making Oliver tense. People only spoke in whispers when they expected to be overheard, and the warehouse they were in wasn't the type to expect company in. The other two were tall and broad, with wicked looking expressions, but it was the third one that caught Oliver's attention. Shorter than the other two and by no means looked as strong. His back to him all he could see was the gray suit and slicked back gray hair on the back of his head. Experience had taught Oliver that underestimating someone was a good way to get yourself killed, and the man looked just enough out of place that he became his instant focus.

Gray-hair nodded at the other two, their faces expressing confusion for a brief second before their mouths set into identical firm lines. They nodded in response and turned, walking past the set of doors that led to another part of the warehouse. Gray-hair walked towards the table in the middle, a soft blue light illuminating whatever was in front of him, but still dark enough that Oliver couldn't see.

Quick as lightning the man turned around, his hand flying out. The sharp sting of the needle penetrating his neck was almost instantly overruled by the sense of unbalance that hit him. The sensation of vertigo.

"Hello, I'm Werner Zytle." The man announced as he approached Oliver. "But you can call me Vertigo."

"The Count is dead."

"Somethings never die. Like you, for example." Vertigo struck out. Oliver reacted instantly, blocking the Count's strike and countering with a blow to the face. His balance was lost for a second as the Count took a couple steps back, the drug affecting him even more. "A funny thing really though. The Count may be dead true, but his glorious narcotic lives on," his voice began to echo, almost as if he were speaking from the other end of a long and hollow cave. "And I've made a few enhancements, that will reveal to you your greatest fear."

Oliver's eyes widened as the man's face began to change, flickering from one image to the other. Count to something unrecognizable. More flickers, the other face solidifying. Count to-

Oliver.

_It__'__s not real._

The drug made him slow, sloppy, and uncoordinated. Or maybe that's what he wanted to believe. That he was fighting himself wasn't something that disturbed him to his very core. The two sides of him, the two sides he was positive would never be able to coexist. Oliver Queen and the Arrow. He fought as hard as he could, but the drug handicapped him. His blows didn't land where they were supposed to, he didn't dodge quite as neatly as he should have been able to. A kick to the center sent him sprawling back, bow lost somewhere on the floor. A punch to the face disoriented him long enough for the Count-Oliver to grab a hold of his neck, the brunt of the pressure on his windpipe.

"On second thought, maybe you do die." His doppelgänger said, his voice that of the Count's as he raised a syringe filled with more of his nightmarish vertigo.

A blade cut through the air, too fast and too dark for Oliver to see in the low light until it sprouted from the count's upraised hand, the syringe falling to the ground at Oliver's feet. The Count cried out, wrenching the familiar looking dagger from his blood soaked hand.

"Sorry dear, but I can't let you kill this one. Let him go… or get put down."

That voice! He knew that voice, even if the drug was still affecting him; the voice sounding as if were farther away than the the length of the room they were in.

"Who are you?" Vertigo demanded. The sharp whistle of another blade cutting through the air was the only answer he received, the wickedly sharp dagger impaling itself in the wall centimeters away from the Count's face.

"I'd leave if I were you," she declared, her voice dangerously low. Oliver fell forward as the Count let go, desperately gasping for air. The sound of the double doors opening and closing as Vertigo fled barely registered with him, his body already preparing for attack.

Oliver struggled to raise his eyes, but he couldn't get further past the top of her black boots. "I hope you're not too heavy," were the last words he heard.

**Felicity**

The pacing definitely wasn't helping. She really hated it when he did that, shut off his comm so she couldn't hear. It was dumb and reckless. How was she supposed to know how to help him when she couldn't hear or see a thing, what if he couldn't turn it back on to tell her he needed help?

She was definitely going to have to talk to Oliver when he got back. He would never turn it off again if he knew what was good for him. Even better, she'd make sure he never went out in the field alone again. Seriously there was no reason for him to do so anyway. There was John, Sara, and Roy, all three of them deadly and exceptionally good choices for backup. Now that she thought about it, she wasn't really sure why she hadn't sooner.

"Felicity?" Oliver's voice reached her, and she turned around mid-circuit, eyes wide as she took him in. How he had managed to get down the stairs as quietly as he had she didn't know, the thought that such stealth wasn't really fair fleeting as she ran to him.

"Oliver what happened?" she demanded.

The look he gave her froze her on the spot. She liked to think that she was getting used to him, or at the very least even more so than she already was. His eyes were always so expressive, except when he didn't want them to be. Felicity didn't like it when he shut her out, when whatever was happening to him caused him to naively think that keeping everything to himself was the best thing to do.

Maybe that was why she was both grateful and scared at what she saw in his eyes. Grateful, because he wasn't keeping her out, he was letting her see everything he wouldn't let anyone else. Scared, because of what she saw there could mean.

"I don't remember," and she knew it was the truth. Despite his ability to lie - yes even while wired to a polygraph - he wasn't the greatest liar when it came to her, and she loved that about him.

"What can-" she didn't finish her question, the words getting lost in her throat.

"I remember fighting him…," he confessed, his eyes falling from her to stare at the bow he still held on to, answering her unfinished question. "He got me with something… said it was vertigo."

"I don't remember vertigo causing acute memory loss."

"He said he added something to it, maybe it messed with my memory, too?"

She caught it, though she didn't know if he knew she did: the implication that something beside his memory had been attacked.

"I fought him," he continued, leaning slightly into her touch as she led him to her chair by the computers. "he was going to kill me and then…" Felicity pursed her lips, waiting for him to finish and afraid that if she said something he never would. "Nothing," Oliver eventually said, his eyes seeking hers.

"Oliver… what else happened?" She eventually asked. They sat on the desk of her computers, their shoulders touching. She looked at the side of his face, a muscle on his jaw ticking.

"He said…" he paused for a second, his eyes wondering to the ceiling before looking down at her again. "That the new vertigo… would show me my greatest fear." Felicity reached over and tightened her hand around his. His fingers interlaced themselves with hers and his gaze dropped to them. "I saw myself," he whispered, the words quiet, as if the softer he spoke them the less true they would be.

In that moment Felicity felt a painful lurch in her chest, the same kind she had already come to associate with Oliver Queen. She felt his pain as acutely as if it were her own, knew that the reason he saw himself was that some part of him still feared that he couldn't make his two lives coexist, that he would always have to be the Arrow.

…_**to be continued**__**…**_

**AN: Sorry for the delay! This is only part one of chapter 11, part two should go up later tonight or tomorrow! Again I would really appreciate your feedback. Last chapter got some amazing reviews and I got even more than the 15 I asked for. I will ask for another 15, but those will be to unlock chapter 12, which was easier to write than 11, so is actually mostly done.**

**If I get 25 reviews, I will begin to post the companion piece to this story. It will raise questions, has tons of action, and a development for our favorite IT girl.**

**I am addicted to tumblr. All the Olicity feels. I can't handle this... I've lost the ability to "even".**

**Happy Holidays to all of you, and I wish all of you a Happy New Year!**


	12. AN

AN: Something has happened with this story, something I most definitely did not think would happen when I began to write it. The story has gotten away from me, and has evolved into something so ridiculously huge and so time consuming that I can't begin to describe how much it's affecting me.

Part One of of this series has turned into the prologue piece for the main series and will end here. I know, I know, it's a weird place to cut off, and the second part will most likely confuse quite a few people with the way it starts (I implore you to bear with me), but the remaining parts of this will be shown in there through flashback. (I liberally take from the show's format in this way). In all reality there wasn't really much left of the prologue part of this story, but I can't seem to make myself write it in a way that's natural and flows and feels right at this moment, but the story has continued and quite a bit of it has already been written, and I don't want the story to just stop and I feel you guys have waited long enough.

My next update will be by the end of the week, please look for: The Life and Times of Felicity Smoak, I'm ridiculously excited to post it. Please leave reviews there, I would very much like to know what you all think of that one.

Best of luck to all of you, and happy fanfic hunting.

A thank you to foxxandbeanz for putting up with my crazy and being the best internet best friend a person could ask for. And though they may no read this The Laughing Duchess has inspired me as well. She came back to her amazing story after nearly a year and it's amazing, so I must strive to be maybe just as almost good.

-Mike


	13. Chapter 1: Felicity Alone

**Is it easier for everyone if I just post the rest of the story to the original one? You guys can PM me the answer to this question.**

**A/N: Here it is! The main story of Felicity and Daughters of Wisdom. This story will be rather fast paced I believe and focuses heavily (and I mean heavily) on Felicity. A couple of things before you all continue. First, chapter titles are incredibly important. I cannot stress this enough. I ****take my chapter titles with the same seriousness as I do the titles of episodes in the show. They aren't just little pieces of dialogue or one tiny moment that happens in the chapter, they define the entire chapter. Second, I take heavy influence from the world of Avatar The Last Airbender, and there are many elements (no pun intended) from that show that influenced me and inspired me throughout this piece. Second, this story will be long, and I mean long. I'm not sure how long some of the chapters will be, since I have bits and pieces written for individual chapters written here and there, and sometimes I will post sections of a chapter, especially if it's incredibly long. Originally I was going to post chapter one as two separate pieces, but I felt it worked better this way, and I felt that everyone would like the entirety of the thing instead of waiting and seeing another week. After all we already have to wait two more weeks for the next episode of Arrow, I think that tests our patience enough.**

**I did have a plan for Ray to be in this story... but he's made me to upset and I can't seem to capture his character correctly, so he will most likely (like 95%) not show up.**

**Alrighty, I think that's enough for now. Here we go!**

**-M**

**P.S. This chapter is kind of long.**

**The Life and Times of Felicity Smoak:**

**Part 1: My Life as Watchtower**

"_My name is Felicity Smoak.__"_

_Chapter 1: Felicity Alone_

_**Felicity**_

She wished she could stay where she was forever. The wish scared her. This was easy; floating in a bath of perfectly heated water, the scent of soaps and lit candles surrounding her. She knew the water was so much more than it appeared to be, she had been told that it had healing properties. It seemed like just water to her, but she couldn't deny the strength and calm that flowed through her.

Pain; all she could focus on was the pain that she had felt. The terrifying warmth that spread between her thighs as blood flowed freely. The sharp aches and pains that wracked their way through her, not all of them having to do with the punches and kicks that had connected with her body as she tried to protect herself.

Blood. So much blood. Inexplicable and terrifying. Why was she bleeding? She could understand bleeding from a wound, but the blood that soaked her thighs and pooled beneath her was not from a wound.

Like an injured animal she had been forced to drag herself towards the light, hoping that someone would see her there. The shadows of the alley would conceal her, hidden behind the dumpster where they had left her. They had panicked too, when they saw the blood as well.

She didn't understand, she'd given them the money they had asked for, handed over everything. But Felicity Smoak was yet still a novice to the dangers and the perversions the world around her, despite the fact that she had worked with Oliver and helped him on his crusade. But at least there, in the foundry and even sometimes in the field she had understood the strange and twisted logic of the criminals they had faced.

This was different. They hadn't needed to do anything more. They had her money, her phone, and tablet. The first punch had come unannounced, catching her on the jaw. Black spots danced across her vision. _"__Get your bearings!__"_ John's voice had shouted in her ear. Her fists came up to protect her face, her body moving to take the stance she knew it should take. But the first punch had left her dazed, her body's reactions were sluggish. The second punch came straight to her stomach, hitting just below the navel.

She'd lost count of how many times they'd hit her. She'd struck back, her small fist connecting with the cheek of one of the thugs. That'd only made them madder. She'd tried to run, her limbs heavy as led and her muscles crying in protest. But she was outnumbered, and despite all the training she'd had, she was still no fighter.

The floor was cold and rough and there was broken glass digging into her palms as she braced them against it. Kick after kick.

Her eyes watered, the unshed tears blurring her vision of the beautiful roof above her. Stained glass filtered the sunlight, the light around her dim but colored in varying shades of blue and silver, the occasional green and bright red added in to the mix. The image of the goddess Artemis eventually came back into focus as she blinked away the tears.

Not one tear had escaped her since that night. Never again would she be weak. Her hand rose to her stomach, her fingers fluttering over the skin there. Hollow. She felt hollow.

The sound of someone clearing their throat reached her through the water. Felicity didn't have to turn to know that it'd be Gwen. The other woman had taken on the role of being Felicity's advisor and host. Her hair was different now, cut much shorter and styled in manner that faintly reminded Felicity of Sin's hair, only Gwen had hers as a dark red that suited her angelic face. Somehow Felicity thought that she could chop off all her hair and wear rags and still pull it off.

"That's Artemis," Felicity pointed out, turning her attention back to the stained glass picture so far above her. "I thought you guys were all about Athena. You know, goddess of wisdom and battle and all that."

She could practically hear the grin in Gwen's response, "We honor all goddesses that represent strength and independence. Artemis and Athena were particularly independent of the male gods and mortals in their time. Athena is our patron, but we make sure to honor others as well."

"Hera?" Felicity asked, raising an eyebrow quizzically as she tilted her head to look at Gwen again.

"Not so much," Gwen said, scrunching her nose. "Hera's different, for many reasons."

Felicity nodded, understanding what Gwen hadn't said. She was by no means an expert on Greek mythology, but even her general knowledge was enough to understand why Hera might not be a goddess the Daughters of Wisdom followed.

"So they're real?" Felicity asked.

"I don't know." Gwen confessed. "Maybe at one time, there were powerful women with names like that. You know how it works, history becomes legend, legend becomes myth. I'm sure over time the stories were changed until we got what we know today. The pool you're in now, the waters were said to come from a pond Artemis bathed in under the moon. Don't know if it's true."

"The healing properties?"

"It's no Pit, but its healing abilities are very real."

"You know sometimes I wonder what my life would be like, if I had just stayed as a normal IT girl."

"I honestly can't tell you anything about that Felicity, because I didn't know you back then. You may have led a normal life, but then again you and I both know you were never really normal to begin with."

"I like normal, normal's safe." Felicity whispered, feeling the lie deep in her bones.

"Normal is boring." Gwen responded. "A word of advice… stay in the waters a little longer. You'll need it for what's coming."

Felicity raised an eyebrow, but Gwen merely shrugged. "You've been through more in the last two weeks than most people have been through in their entire lives." She paused for a second, her brown eyes softening with sadness and pity as she looked at Felicity. "Some would say that you've been through a crucible."

"What do you say?"

"I think yours is just starting."

* * *

Felicity Smoak was dead.

At least… that's what she wanted everyone to think.

There were moments when she didn't know how Oliver could have possibly done it, known that everyone thought him dead. His case was different. Some would have said that death was better than what he had to endure.

The two days that followed the hospital were a blur of shadows and shapes, everything too much and too painful. She avoided Oliver and the foundry like her life depended on in it. In a matter of speaking… it did.

Poor Oliver. Felicity had acted like she didn't know what she would do, that she had no solid plans and everything and anything could happen. Liar, she remembered thinking. She had known what she would do the moment she had convinced William to leave the hospital. It hadn't been that hard to really. He was tired, he had already missed a day of work, and there was nothing to be done. Felicity thanked what few lucky stars she had that he'd only ever met Oliver once, the meeting too brief for Oliver to have made a lasting impression on him.

When she was dead, he would't know who to turn to, who to seek for help finding her.

Felicity Smoak… was dead.

The words sounded funny in her head. She didn't feel like her, the Felicity that laughed and smiled with Oliver in the days that led up to that night. She yearned for him, her heart aching and feeling as if it were collapsing in on itself. Felicity wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms and cry herself hoarse into the fabric of his shirt.

The poor baby, dying inside her before she even knew he was there. In her mind, that's what she had conjured up. A beautiful baby boy, with Oliver's gorgeous cerulean eyes, his light brown hair and that tiny smile that had her heart racing. She mourned him, the nameless child that she hadn't known she wanted and loved and carried inside her. She wanted him - her baby - more than anything. She wanted Oliver. She felt it - even now - her love for him. She felt it in her blood, in her bones, she felt in her every breath…

It didn't matter what she wanted any more. She was dead, and the dead didn't want.

For Oliver. Always for Oliver. Felicity disappeared. She had to. He would never know. Could never know. He'd blame himself, because that's just who he was, a man who insisted on shouldering the burden of the world. It wasn't his fault. Not even remotely. The fight they'd suffered had nothing to do with what happened that night. But that wasn't how he would see it. She couldn't let him do that; blame himself. She would suffer for him, without him. This time it

was different. This time, she wasn't sure he could survive this loss.

So she died. She died for him. For Oliver. For her baby.

Felicity Smoak was no more. Just a ghost. Only a ghost. A ghost erased all traces of her ever having been in the hospital. A ghost left everything behind, because even the slightest thing taken would rouse suspicion. She didn't think he loved her. Not yet anyway. Maybe he would have someday. She'd never know now. He wouldn't mourn her too long. He'd move on.

A ghost. Simply a ghost.

Watchtower. She was Watchtower now.

Real death would have been simpler. Real death, would have released her from everything. A part of her recognized this truth.

She didn't know why she didn't take the out that was so clear before her. Maybe it was Oliver. He hadn't given up. Neither could she.

Felicity took everything and shut it away.

* * *

"I'm not really good at this whole hiking thing." She announced after she fell for what felt like the hundredth time. Felicity had never been particularly graceful. It was by miracle only that she had managed the high stilettos that she had worn back _then. _Trudging her way through miles of forrest in heavy boots and clothes that felt a little too stuffy for comfort at the moment was beyond pushing it. She was positive that by the end of the day she'd manage to break at least two limbs.

Gwen looked back and arched an eyebrow. "You'll get good at it." She said simply.

"So you do this a lot? And by this I mean hike aimlessly through the woods without a path."

"Nope." Came her reply, making a loud pop at the end of the word.

"So then why would I get good at this?"

"You just will."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Not really."

"You know… I'm not a big fan of secrecy when it involves random secluded woods." She glared at the woman's back.

"Well then at least now we know you have some sense of self preservation." Gwen laughed, throwing her head back.

Felicity bit the side of her cheek rather than respond. In the short time that she'd known Gwen, it had become painfully obvious that responding to her only made the situation worse. Shut up and do as she says were usually the best ways to get any real answers out of her. After the night in the Pool of Artemis, Gwen had gone back to her usual carefree and playful behavior. If she hadn't been there, Felicity would have been positive that the moment of seriousness had never happened.

They continued to walk, or rather Gwen walked while Felicity tripped and stumbled along, in what seemed like circles for another hour. The trees overhead were too thick for Felicity to see much of the sky, the occasional patch of bright blue all she was really able to see. The ground was rocky and uneven, with several fallen tree trunks getting in their way. Gwen simply climbed over them, graceful and surefooted in way that had Felicity just a little bit jealous. On more than one occasion she needed help clearing them, some of them quite a bit taller than Felicity.

She still had no clue where she was.

Some would have said that Felicity was being completely idiotic for being where she was. She barely knew Gwen as it were, but something about the other woman calmed Felicity. From the beginning she had been aware that she was dangerous, but even then the sense of danger to _her_ never struck Felicity.

She trusted her. Perhaps not as much as she trusted John, or Sara, or even…. But she trusted her anyway. Enough that she let her lead her through forests so thick if left to her own devices Felicity would never see civilization again.

The thought of being forever cut off from technology was a horrible one, and she flinched visibly before shoving the repulsive idea away. Focus on the task at hand, she decided. It was as easy as placing one foot in front of the other. What was that little jingle she'd heard? _Just keep swimming, just keep swimming_. She wasn't swimming per se, but it was close enough. The box of carefully contained and shut down thoughts in the back of her head rattled dangerously.

"You know my mom told me to never hike in unknown forests with strangers." Felicity pointed out, more to distract herself from the dangerous thoughts threatening to take root than to really make conversation.

Gwen snorted. "That's an oddly specific thing to tell your daughter." She pointed out.

"Well… maybe she didn't say those words exactly, but I feel like if my mother knew I'd be doing this, she would have told me not to."

"What an oddly specific mother you have." Gwen responded. Felicity was positive that if anyone else had made that statement, the words would have been met with a lot more anger and a lot less acceptance. But somehow, because it was Gwen who said it, and because despite the fact that she'd never met Donna, the beautiful red-head had managed to pin point the most prominent characteristic of her mother made Felicity simply accept the comment. Her mother _could _be strangely specific with her sayings.

The thought of her mother left an unpleasant taste in her mouth. Anything of her old life did that really. Some thoughts more than others, but overall she liked to avoid anything that related to _that _Felicity too much. Better to forget everything and move on.

"What about your mom?" She asked, looking to shift the conversation away from herself.

"Never met her!" Gwen responded, her voice cheery. A red flag instantly raised itself inside Felicity's mind, but another part of her raised its head at the prospect of a new mystery, and she hated unsolved mysteries.

As if sensing that she was about to ask, Gwen began to speak. "I grew up in Toronto. Or at least that's where I was in my first memory. I don't really remember anything from my time there, or before that." She paused for a minute before continuing. "I was fifteen when I joined. I've never looked back."

Felicity stopped walking altogether for a minute, her mind reeling at the onslaught of new information. "You know you could hike a whole lot faster if you stopped talking! Chop chop!" She grimaced as the truth of Gwen's words struck her, but settled for silence. It seemed so unlike Gwen to shirk away from answering questions. Taking the hint, Felicity continued to stumble and trip her way behind her, smiling apologetically whenever Gwen had to stop and wait for her to catch up.

She wasn't quite sure how it happened. Her mind tried to reject what she saw, and only later did Felicity fully understand why. Gwen was there, her hand braced against a tree, smiling at Felicity as she promised her that they'd reached their destination. Felicity blinked.

A figure stood where Gwen had been less than a second ago, almost every detail of their body obscured by unnatural shadows. Its eyes glowed bright, two spots of white light that had neither iris nor pupil. Its hair was long and tumbled past its shoulders in curls, the color impossible to discern.

Felicity jerked to a stop, her hand flying to the strap of the small backpack she carried with her. The dark figure stood just as still as Felicity, bright eyes focused on the blonde in an unblinking stare that made the skin on the back of her neck crawl.

The only rational part of her mind that still managed to function told her to run. As soon as the thought came to her however, the black figure in front of her shifted. Its movements were strange, as if it was still deciding wether it was more solid than shadow. Its steps forward were preceded by a shifting of its presence, blinking and teleporting through space more than actually moving through it.

It only took a second before she was face to face with the shadow figure. Stupidly and infuriatingly, she froze, her limbs refusing to move despite the fact that every instinct told her to run. The backhand that struck her squarely on the cheek sent her flying. The metallic taste of blood filled her mouth as she landed on the ground, and she pressed her tongue to the inside of her cheek, feeling the warmth flow on it.

Felicity reached up to fix her glasses, before remembering that she no longer wore them, having decided to go with contacts for the long trek. She turned around, instantly remembering the danger behind her. The figure still stood in the same spot, its shoulders hunched forward and eyes glowing ominously. Felicity squinted, but as soon as she tried to focus her eyes on it, it shifted again, as if sensing her gaze. Fear struck her instantly, but this time Felicity reacted better. As soon as the figure started towards her again, she bolted, her hands gathering cuts from the numerous sticks and rocks littering the forest floor.

She headed back in the direction she'd come, grateful that their invisible path had been a straight one for the most part. There was something about the shadowed woman that disturbed Felicity. That something tugged at the fringes of her thoughts, demanding that she recognize it and angry when she tried and couldn't.

Felicity ran for what she thought seemed like a long enough time, her haste making her even clumsier than usual. She was grateful however, for the clothes that she wore, finding it somewhat ironic that she had mentally complained about them earlier. It was obvious now that the material was meant for durability and warmth, the fabric on her knees and elbows stained green from her numerous falls but miraculously free of any tears. A simple gray colored pair of cargo pants, tight enough that they didn't sag, but not so much that it restricted her movement. The t-shirt she wore was a simple black, and was covered largely by the silver gray camouflage jacket she wore.

She struggled to catch her breath, the air seeming too think around her. The adrenaline that coursed through her veins had Felicity on edge, her muscles tensing as if preparing to bolt.

"Calm down," she whispered to herself. She waited for John's voice to play itself in her head, to remind her of all the things she'd been taught to do. But it didn't come, and she was met with nothing but silence.

* * *

_**Gwen**_

She saw it the moment it happened. She remembered thinking "any second now", all the while an uneasy fear building in her chest. Something about the forest was different, as if it could sense the shadow in Felicity. Gwen saw it in the way she moved, the way her eyes seemed slightly duller than they had before. They weren't quite as bright as they had once been, the anger and sadness in Felicity having grown until the light was dimmer. It always happened.

The shadow in Felicity was too strong. Gwen knew it, the forest knew it. The shadow - brought to life by the forest around them - knew it as well. It was too late to turn back now.

She saw it the moment it happened. Felicity no longer saw her. In an instant the atmosphere changed, and a cold shiver ran down the length of Gwen's spine. She wasn't welcome there anymore. _Get out! _It screamed.

So she did the only thing she could do. Gwen walked away. They all had to do this, one way or another. Felicity could not go on as she was. How she would survive was entirely up to her.

She stayed on the fringes, careful not to step too close. Felicity had run from the shadow, that much was obvious. Gwen couldn't help but smile sadly as she followed the tracks Felicity had left behind. There were others among them, women who had hidden their shadow away, never dared face them. They were always the first to go, the firsts to make mistakes. Remorse weakened warriors, distracted them and made them stupid. She felt responsible for Felicity, something about the blonde called to her.

Gwen stopped as soon as she felt it, the cold presence that told her that she could this far and no further. Survival wasn't for the weak. She hoped that Felicity wasn't weak.

* * *

_**Felicity**_

Her breath rose in small puffs of heat. After she disappeared she hadn't seen the slightest hint of Gwen. Something about the situation told her that she wasn't too far off, but the lingering sense of being watched did nothing to alleviate Felicity's tension.

The shadow woman hadn't appeared either, and Felicity felt that maybe the sunlight was enough to keep it at bay. She'd seen it when it happened, the shadows melting away and revealing some of the skin on her wherever a ray of light cut through the thick canopy above them. Felicity's brain had been quick to supply the memory as she went back and analyzed every second of the encounter.

"Stay calm, analyze, react." She whispered to herself, even the sound of her own voice better than the deafening silence around them. She was in a small clearing now, a tiny break in the trees that left a small patch of grass, sunlight filling the tiny space. But even the small patch of sunlight did little to alleviate the numbing cold, the temperature having fallen drastically in just a couple minutes. "Stay calm, analyze, react." She repeated, over and over until the rapid beating of her heart finally slowed.

First, she needed to find some shelter. Without Gwen to guide her Felicity doubted she'd be able to find her way back by tracking her marks. The adrenaline gone and finally having gathered her wits about her Felicity began to think, her quick mind assembling a plan. Shelter, water, higher ground, and hopefully a fire, she decided. Not necessarily in that order, but for now those were the essentials.

The backpack on her shoulders wasn't too heavy, and she hadn't spared it much thought as she swung it on when Gwen had given it to her. She swung it off and plopped it down in front of her, kneeling on the cold ground, her fingers trembling from cold as she fumbled with the zipper.

"Jackpot," she whispered, allowing a small smile to tug at the corners of her lips as she looked inside. A large plastic container sat near the bottom, inside a good amount of food. It was all dehydrated food and energy bars, and she doubted they would taste very good. But Felicity was beyond the point of caring about flavor. Survival was the only thing that mattered. Two knives sat atop the container of food. One looked familiar to her, the blade sheathed, the handle thick and heavy as she weighed it carefully on her hand. She didn't have much experience with knives, the bulk of her training with Diggle having focussed almost entirely on hand to hand self defense. How to use her opponents momentum and size against her. A humorless laugh left her lips as the memories of all those nights trying to learn self defense came back to her. What a stupid waste of time it had all been.

The blade sang as she pulled it out of its sheath, the bright metal reflecting the sunlight brightly and cold against her palm. It was about half as long as her forearm, with sharp teeth she was pretty sure could be used for sawing, whether through bone or flesh she didn't think it'd really matter. In the right hands it looked like it could cut through anything.

The second knife was just an inch or two smaller, covered in a small pouch that she could easily strap to the belt on her waist. What caught her attention was it's odd shape and handle, the blade so foreign to her she was positive she'd never seen it before. The blade was more triangular than diamond shaped, double edge and with point so sharp she pricked her finger just touching it, a small drop of blood oozing through the small puncture. The handle was thin and cylindrical, covered in dark brown leather and ended in a ring, her middle finger easily slipping through it. The knife was clearly made for combat more than practical use. She surmised that they must have made a mistake giving this to her. She could barely hold the thing, much less use it in a fight.

Regardless, Felicity strapped the blade to her waist. Practical or not, she would feel better knowing she had something easily within reach. The rest of her findings were simple. A flashlight, a box of matches, a lighter, and small rolled up blanket that looked entirely too thin to provide any actual warmth.

"A compass and a map would have been nice," she grumbled. She wasn't particularly hungry, but she knew that she had to get something inside her system to make up for the energy the running had consumed. Be smart about this, she told herself. She didn't have to live, that had never been the deal. Living was entirely too much to ask her to do, she just had to survive.

Eat a little bit of food, just the barest minimum, and drink a little bit of water. She'd have to replenish her supply of water soon. Felicity walked to the nearest (and friendliest looking) tree and appraised it. She was by no means a good climber, as easy as they were for most people, stairs were her worst enemy. She rubbed her hands together quickly, the warmth from the friction returning some of the feeling to her cold fingers. The tree was easier to climb than she expected, her shoes obviously having been designed for outdoor activity (including climbing) made her ascent easier. Her head swiveled somewhat comically when she got as far as she could go. Purely by luck she'd chosen one of the taller trees to climb, and as a result she was a good thirty feet up in the air, the branches around her having thinned enough that her view of the surrounding area was a good one.

The canopy of tree tops around her was thicker than anything she'd seen in person before, the kind of forrest roof that seemed to exist mostly in stories and movies. Too thick for her to see the ground around her. The forest stretched out for what seemed like forever, reaching out into the distance until she couldn't make anything out.

She bit her lip worriedly. Her initial venture into the forest with Gwen hadn't seemed like it'd been long enough to land her firmly in the middle of nowhere. She circled a little around the tree, placing her foot carefully on the sturdiest branches below her. Eyes widening in surprise she spotted a single hill ahead, the space between the trees dotting the hill greater than that of the ground around her. Calculating how long it'd take her to get there and the possible advantages it could offer she decided to make a straight shot for it. She made no presumptions that she'd be able to reach it before nightfall, but it was a start, and she could always venture up the next morning.

Slowly Felicity began to make her way down, finding that climbing up the tree was a much easier task than climbing down. Her hands suffered numerous cuts when she occasionally grabbed a small branch that broke easily, the wood cracking and leaving a burning wherever it managed to break the skin.

Finally back on the ground she inspected her hands for any sign of splinters. Finding them miraculously free she turned her head in the direction of the hill, the idea of heading back into the shadows more than a little daunting.

"Focus Smoak," she said. While her plan wasn't exactly the greatest, it was also the only thing she could think of to do. She was positive that if anyone were to look for her, the first place they'd look and the easiest place to be found, would be the highest point around.

A cold shiver worked its way down her spine as soon as she stepped from the sunlight into the shadows cast by the branches and leaves overhead, the notion that she was being watched returning tenfold. She told herself that it didn't matter. If someone wanted to kill her, they would. There wasn't much she could really do about it, knife or not. As long as she tried to make it. That was her promise, to simply try.

Her progress was a slow one, but without the pressure to keep up with Gwen she fell less. She pulled the oddly shaped knife out of its sheath and gripped it tightly, marking every other tree as she made her way through thick forrest. If she got lost, she could follow her marks back to the small clearing.

Every now and then something seemed to move in the distance, always on the periphery. The shadow of a limb, a glow of unblinking and unnatural eyes. The air around her seemed colder whenever she thought she saw it, the skin on the back of her raising in gooseflesh.

The light around her began to fade quickly, but she thought the trees started to look thinner, the gaps between them larger. The last of the sunlight faded just as she reached what looked to be the foot of the hill. Something caught her eye as she looked around, a sudden drop on the side revealed to be a cave, making its way into the hill, but that wasn't what made her mouth drop open in a silent gasp.

Trees continued to grow inside the cave, long dead and barren with their branches criss crossing on the roof the cave in gorgeous patterns, a small forrest trapped inside the cave. She pressed her palm to the tree, finding it cold and harder than usual, more stone than actual wood. Felicity had read something about petrified trees before, the organic material of the tree slowly replaced by minerals until it was no longer organic.

Felicity walked further into the cave, careful not to go to far in, and found a relatively flat patch of ground. Her feet were aching from walking so long, her feeling more like led than functional limbs.

A sudden exhaustion stole over her, her eyesight going black even as she struggled to stay awake. "Stay awake," she whispered to herself, the command more of a prayer than anything else. Darkness.

When she came to it felt like hours later, her body aching from sleeping on the cold floor, her left arm twisted around the gnarled root of a fossilized tree. The sky outside was still dark.

The fatigue that had overcome her hadn't felt natural, but it hadn't been preceded by the telltale prick of a needle or dart. Felicity stood up, her leg muscles protesting angrily as she forced them carry her. She needed a fire.

Felicity went no further than the nearest tree, many of its branches small enough that she could use it for her little fire without being too small, and used the knife with the teeth along its . Thanking the universe for John Diggle she made her small tent of wood, gathering sticks and leaves at the bottom. The matches were easy enough to use, and she lit a particularly large leaf with one before tossing both the match and leaf into the dry stuff. The dead leaves and small sticks caught the fire instantly, and she repositioned some of the larger branches carefully, hoping to use as little of the matches that she could. After traveling to the top of the hill tomorrow she'd have to figure out how to start a fire without them, there was no use in waiting until she ran out of matches or her lighter no longer had any fluid to panic.

Soon she had a nice fire going and she found herself getting lost in its depths. Despite the unplanned nap she had taken she felt exhaustion roll over her again. She told herself that if she were being smart she'd have to find a way to gather food, her rations wouldn't last her long.

Looking back on it, she would have preferred the struggle to survive that she'd anticipated than what really came.

* * *

**A/N: Please leave reviews! I'm still growing and learning myself as a writer and any form of feedback or praise or comment (whether it's positive or negative or simply meant to be constructive) is more than appreciated. Chapter two will be up soon!**


	14. Chapter 2: The Dead Don't Get To Want

"_My name is Felicity Smoak__… __and I have done horrible things.__"_

_Chapter 2: The Dead Don__'__t Get to Want_

_**Gwen**_

She closed her eyes the moment the blade came sinking down, already knowing what would happen. Gwen had been afraid that this would be the outcome, because if Felicity Smoak was anything, she was full of surprises. Gwen had been able to see it clear as day. The blonde IT girl conquering her shadow, the light finally coming back in full to her eyes as she laid her troubled past to rest. All it took was acceptance. It was the kind of person Felicity was, the kind of person that would refuse to let the past get the better of her. She'd want to be stronger of course, and Gwen and the Daughters could help with that. Felicity would never have to fear for her physical safety again, not in the sense that she'd grown to fear for it.

But this was different. She hadn't seen this coming. The Chinese ring dagger they'd given her was standard use for the Daughters, it's dual ability for melee and long distance giving it - and them - a great advantage. For Felicity it had been given as a choice. Arden and Phoebe had both given her strange looks as she packed the dagger away in Felicity's backpack.

"_It__'__s her choice to make,__" __she said, answering the unspoken question. __"__We all got the choice.__"_

"_How do you know she__'__ll make the right one?__" __Arden asked, her dark eyes sparkling from underneath her bangs. As far as beauty went, Arden was not particularly outstanding. Gwen often felt bad about thinking like that, but Arden__'__s face was undoubtedly__… __forgettable. It__'__s what made her such a great spy, a master of infiltration. No one ever looked at her, often being forgotten or overlooked as if she were no more than another piece of furniture in the room. Only her eyes carried any beauty. Black as cole and yet deeper than eyes that dark had any right to be._

"_I don__'__t.__" __She picked up the other knife, the one that was useful for everything but what Felicity might need it for in the end, and placed it inside the bag as well. __"__But if I__'__ve learned anything, its that the right choice is different for every person. What we think is the wrong choice might be the right one.__"_

The truth of the matter was that Gwen still didn't know if Felicity had made the right choice or not. Only time and actions would reveal that. The shadows melted away, the intense feeling of unwelcome disappearing as the forrest was satisfied. The darkness inside Felicity had been dealt with. It hadn't been destroyed, but that wasn't what the forrest wanted. It simply wanted it to be acknowledged, that some action be taken.

Gwen gripped the dagger in her hand tightly, stepping around the fossilized tree. The fire was reduced to embers now, their soft glow only just illuminating the side of Felicity's face. Many strands of hair had escaped the ponytail the blonde had put her hair in, falling around her face in small curls.

Felicity's lips moved quickly, forming words too quietly for Gwen to hear.

"Felicity?" Her voice shook as she called out to the other woman. She hesitated a second as she heard the fear in her own voice.

_**Felicity**_

A soft hiss made its way through the air, the sound of someone sucking in air through their teeth. Felicity tensed at the sound, knowing without having to look what would be there. The warmth from the fire disappeared, the bright flame becoming smaller. She scrambled to her feet, her hand flying to the blade strapped to her waist as she backed up. The specter stood at the entrance to the cave, its posture hunched forward as it faced down. As Felicity drew the blade from its pouch the figure tensed.

She expected it this time, and perhaps that was why she was able to react better. The shadow ghosted through the space between them, blinking in and out of existence with each movement forward. In a blur of movement it materialized in front of Felicity, it's dark hair flying as it threw a punch. Chunks of rock and mineral showered Felicity as she ducked out of the way, the fist aimed at her head missing by a breath and breaking into the fossilized tree behind her. The hand the gripped the dagger came lashing out, but Felicity had been right earlier when she had doubted her ability to use the knife properly. Her lack of training and precision made her aim wild and ineffective, the blade barely slicing through the arm covered in shadow. The cut couldn't have been more than a graze, but the anger that radiated from the shadow was overwhelming.

The grip on her wrist threatened to nearly break the bones, her arm cried in protest as the shadow-woman gripped her and twister her arm around. The knife fell to the floor as Felicity lost her hold on it, crying out in pain. A sickening pop reached her ears at the same moment her shouldered burned sharply. Felicity kicked wildly, the backs of her feet coming into contact with the legs of her assailant. She might as well have kicked a wall for all the good it did. The shadow neither flinched in pain nor relaxed its grip, it's other hand flying to Felicity's throat. Her eyes watered, the fingers of her one useful hand clawing at the one that held her throat.

Shadows flickered on the edge of her vision, her mind struggling to form coherent thoughts as her lungs burned with the need for air. She looked down frantically, still scratching at the hand that held her and kicking wildly.

It was as if the shadows that bordered on her vision were the shadows that had shrouded the woman intent on killing her, abandoning the menacing figure and instead closing in on Felicity herself. Or maybe it was the fact that she was so close to death now, the sensation all too familiar and having occurred far too frequently in such a short expanse of time, that she was finally able to see her assailant.

Her own face stared back at her, battered and bruised, a split lip and several cuts along the right cheek. The eyes continued to glow, neither iris nor pupil visible in the bright spots of light, and their affect on the sneering face was a startlingly sinister one. Felicity's foot kicked out, catching her somewhere on her body. It was like kicking through a container of cold water. The mass before her gave way, the hand around her throat becoming as intangible as the ghost it should have been.

There were moments in Felicity's life when everything happened just too fast, when even her quick brain couldn't keep up with the whirlwind of events.

Finding out Oliver was the Arrow. Free falling from the window of the executive offices at Queen Consolidated, Oliver's arms closing around her protectively as the entirety of Starling City glittered below her before suddenly they were crashing through another window and back into the safety of the building. Being attacked in that alleyway, her body aching and bleeding as her child died inside her. All to much for her to _really _process, everything requiring time and deep breaths and counting down moments after they had already happened when it was someone safe for her to think about it. Fear was often the prominent emotion she felt in those instances, fear and pain, loud and demanding to be felt.

Felicity Smoak never felt it again, not after that night. The overbearing sense of fear that was too much for even her to handle, so much so that her brain shut down. Nothing would ever be too much for her again.

But there was still that last time. Everything happening so fast, the world flying and spinning around her in a blast of low lights and barely there colors and fossilized trees. The cool sting of the dagger's handle as her fingers wrapped around it tightly, the warmth of blood on her face as she swung the blade out, her hair flying wildly around her face even as the edge of the knife sunk into skin that moments ago hand't been real.

She wasn't sure where the blood came from, or even why the flesh that tore easily was as real as it was, but she didn't question it. That was the first time it happened. A box formed in the back of her head, small and metallic and rusting but with small bits of paint still clinging to it that suggested it had once been green. Everything was taken and shoved into that box. Pain, fear, hesitation, weakness. Anything and everything because Felicity Smoak couldn't let any of it get to her. The box took everything she shoved in there and then some, closing so tightly she was positive that it would never open again.

Again and again, she brought the knife down. It wasn't in any particular order or with any real aim for that matter. It sank into flesh and through muscle and bone with a sickening but somehow satisfying crunch.

She was no fool. She knew that whatever this was, it had been some sort of test. Whether she passed or not didn't really matter to her anymore, she'd find another way if Gwen and the Daughters of Wisdom wouldn't offer her theirs anymore. But what happened had happened. The mutilated body in front of her with its very real blood was still warm and oozing over everything, and she thought that maybe, just maybe, she'd killed the weak part of herself as well.

_**Gwen**_

"Felicity?" Her voice shook, the cold trickle of fear making its way down her spine. It'd been too long since Gwen had last felt fear, but what she felt now was not out of concern for her safety, rather for the safety and well being of Felicity.

It was true that no one knew what was the proper path to take when it came to these things. For some sisters it was always better for them to slay their demons. For some, acceptance wasn't enough, some demons were just too big.

And then there were those that made the wrong choice. The ones that needed acceptance but instead took the knife and used it for what it had been made. Gwen had no doubt that the blood on Felicity's face was as warm and real as the blood of someone truly alive.

It was too early to tell, and Gwen found herself fiercely hoping that Felicity had indeed made the right choice. While the Daughters had requested that Felicity be recruited, it had been Gwen that had carried out the orders. When Felicity had found Gwen, weak and pale and obviously in no condition to be on her feet, Gwen could have turned her away.

Maybe she should have.

The blade fell from Felicity's hand and clattered noisily against the fossilized root of a tree.

Wrong or not, she was Gwen's responsibility now.

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**A/N: This chapter came out a lot shorter than I expected it to, but it felt right to end it here. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, for those who reviewed on the other post before I deleted it and just decided to post Life and Times here. I will be changing the title completely once chapter three goes up.**

**That being said I would like to hear from you guys. I've noticed that I haven't really been getting all that many reviews anymore, and I'm wondering if it's because of a lack of interest in this story. Please leave reviews, I live off them as surely as I live off other fanfics and Arrow and tumblr. And more recently the 100, which I just started watching yesterday and am already halfway through season one. Oh dear... what have I been doing with my life?**


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